If you're still reading, it's probably because you're really wondering about how my previous post continues. You're trying to figure out how I moved from being a Christian on my own terms to this mysterious land of agnosticism. You may be simply wondering what I mean by agnosticism. Please take note that it means for me is likely very different than for another person.
Let's start with the questions I was facing. I apologize for the harshness of some of them; I don't apologize for not holding back what I'm thinking. This is QV laid out on a slab, body cut open, heart exposed for all to see. Without further ado... the questions:
How can a God who is inherently good allow evil to exist? I always hated this question in class and it was always seen as a cop-out answer against God when I considered myself a Christian, but now it seems so relevant. The Christian answer seems to be that God didn't create evil, that evil is the absence of good, and that the even greater good accomplished by eventually triumphing over evil is far better than any small good we can see now. Also, Satan is the one that causes evil to happen, not God.
...If Satan is capable of turning good to evil, doesn't that make him more powerful than God?
How can a good God show favoritism? "Oh, I'm just gonna create a world and inhabit it with people. But, I'm gonna let many of them suffer, and I'll pick my favorites (the ones who worship me) to come live with me forever. The others? Naw. They can rot in hell/cease to exist [depending on your definition of hell]. I say I love them, but really, I only care about the ones I love."
...But seriously...
"Oh, and the ones I save? You can spend the rest of eternity praising me because I AM AWESOME AND NOT NARCISSISTIC AT ALL!!!"
Also, what kind of God allows his people to grossly misinterpret His Word over and over again and use it as a weapon against others? For forever, religion has been used to discriminate against various groups of people (and no, this is not exclusive to Christianity). Women are subjected to abuse and are seen as less than men, slavery was condoned and even justified, and queer people are constantly discriminated all in the name of God. I personally believe God, if He exists, is not okay with any of this, so why does he allow people to continue thinking in such a manner?
I then started questioning the nature of Christianity itself:
How can a God who is inherently good allow evil to exist? I always hated this question in class and it was always seen as a cop-out answer against God when I considered myself a Christian, but now it seems so relevant. The Christian answer seems to be that God didn't create evil, that evil is the absence of good, and that the even greater good accomplished by eventually triumphing over evil is far better than any small good we can see now. Also, Satan is the one that causes evil to happen, not God.
...If Satan is capable of turning good to evil, doesn't that make him more powerful than God?
How can a good God show favoritism? "Oh, I'm just gonna create a world and inhabit it with people. But, I'm gonna let many of them suffer, and I'll pick my favorites (the ones who worship me) to come live with me forever. The others? Naw. They can rot in hell/cease to exist [depending on your definition of hell]. I say I love them, but really, I only care about the ones I love."
...But seriously...
"Oh, and the ones I save? You can spend the rest of eternity praising me because I AM AWESOME AND NOT NARCISSISTIC AT ALL!!!"
Also, what kind of God allows his people to grossly misinterpret His Word over and over again and use it as a weapon against others? For forever, religion has been used to discriminate against various groups of people (and no, this is not exclusive to Christianity). Women are subjected to abuse and are seen as less than men, slavery was condoned and even justified, and queer people are constantly discriminated all in the name of God. I personally believe God, if He exists, is not okay with any of this, so why does he allow people to continue thinking in such a manner?
I then started questioning the nature of Christianity itself:
How do we know that Christianity is the one true religion? Why would God really seemingly only care about Western culture and reveal himself there? Like, seriously: what kind of God over all people decides to reveal himself in only one small pocket of the world and then expect to be known everywhere?
Is religion simply a man-made product? Do men (and yes, I really do generally mean men) create religions of their own purposes and agendas in order to convince others their way of life is the best way to do things? If we look throughout history, we're able to find examples of this, as well as examples of men twisting already-formed religions for their own agendas. Who's to say Christianity didn't arise out of all of this? Sure, there are real historical accounts of Israel's and Judah's kings, but that doesn't prove Christianity's legitimacy.
"That's why you gotta have faith."
^ Another cop-out. What this is essentially saying to me is that I need to trust something I'm not sure of with my whole being and center my whole life around it. It's saying I'm a bad person for not being able to do such a "simple" [illogical] thing. That, if only my faith were stronger, I could believe. Uhhh...
I know people from various faith backgrounds. Why is Christianity the one true religion? Why is the God of Christianity the God of the universe? I realized more and more that being raised Christian, of course I was going to believe that. Yet, had I been raised Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, I'd have believed that to be the true religion. I have a problem with the idea that our VERY white idea of God is so obviously the God of the universe.
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I didn't have tons of time to really reflect on these questions until the past year. I did a good job of pushing them to the back of my mind, ignoring them. Then, Easter Sunday this year came. I had agreed to play piano at a church desperately in need of a fill-in accompanist. Honestly, I needed the money, so I agreed.
My dear mother came along to the service. She was dying to hear me play again and was just as uncomfortable as I was in my old church (for different reasons). The people were generally kind here, and I had a decent time. I had one of the best breakfasts there in my life. When it came time for the sermon, I listened intently. It hit me that every word he said about Jesus, God, and the like, I didn't actually believe in my heart. Perhaps the most freeing part of this was knowing I was perfectly okay with this.
Maybe the God of Christianity is the God of the universe. Maybe it's the Hindu God. Maybe it's the flying spaghetti monster. Or, maybe we're all wrong, and God is nothing like any of us imagine. Maybe He doesn't exist at all.
I feel okay not knowing for sure. Maybe I'll be in this suspended belief my entire life, and I feel wonderful about that. If nothing else, it allows for much better dialogue with others about their beliefs without posing judgments on them.
I've also felt a much greater freedom in how I can go out and accomplish good in the world. This will maybe be hard for many of you to understand, but for me, experiencing freedom from the ties of dogma has been an incredible feeling. I will definitely explain this idea further in another post...but not for a bit. We've had enough heavy posts in a row :)
Expect my world-famous sweet potato fries recipe in my next post!
-QV
-QV
I admire your honesty with yourself and with all of us. These are good, important, and HARD questions. I would answer some (ok, most) of them differently than you have here, but I'm glad you're willing to raise questions and start these conversations.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I'd like to bring up here: you say, "What kind of God over all people decides to reveal himself in only one small pocket of the world and then expect to be known everywhere?" It's true that Western Christians tend to learn only about the history of Western Christianity. However, for many more hundreds of years than Christianity has been in the West, it flourished in Asia and Africa, holding open dialogue (with mutual influence and respect) with Buddhism, Islam, and local religions. So, the story and influence of Christianity goes way beyond the West, even if that history is not consciously remembered by the Western church. That fact influences my approach to the question of growing up in different cultures/religions/etc. If you want to hear more about that, let's just have a conversation about it sometime.
Hi Anna,
DeleteI think there's a difference between Christianity being in Asia and Africa and coexisting with other religions and God bringing Christianity to those regions. My understanding is that Christianity was brought to parts of Asia and Africa - not that God revealed himself there. Like I said, that is my understanding - if you have a source that you would recommend I would be happy to learn more.
Also, I think its important to recognize the difference between "the West" and "Western culture." Admittedly, the story and influence of Christianity goes beyond the West as a geographical region but I think its important to realize that our conceptions of Western culture are relatively modern and addressing the issue of the influence of Christianity in Western culture is much different from addressing the influence in globally and throughout history. Which also poses a problem to QV's original question!
I hope you do not take offense to any of this. Your thoughts prompted me to do a little digging and research of my own and I definitely learned something because of it so my intention is not to offend or argue. Also, I know it is a bit weird to be having this "conversation" through blog comments - sorry about that.
-Caroline
Hi Caroline,
DeleteThanks for your comment! I wish we could have this conversation in person, since that'd be an easier way for both of us to communicate, but this will have to do. :)
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by the difference between Christianity being in a region and God revealing himself there or God bringing Christianity. Is it a matter of scale, of authenticity, something else? From what I've learned, the church in Asia was much closer to the traditions and beliefs of the first Christian churches than were Western churches of the 14th century and later, and were fairly extensive. If you're interested in reading a whole book about it, "The Lost History of Christianity" by Philip Jenkins is a pretty interesting treatment of the history and the fall of the Christian church in Asia/Africa/the Middle East.
You're right that this distinction needs to be made, and it's an interesting point to think about--thanks! I was using "the West" to refer to the areas that show historically Western culture (primarily Europe), but I'm not sure where that fits in with our language distinction. If it's any help, my most recent source of information for this question is my History class at Calvin, which covered the beginning of civilization to about 1500 AD, so I'm looking more at that time range than today's Western culture and religion.
-Anna
Anna,
DeleteAdmittedly, I do not know as much about the history of Christianity in Eastern culture as I should. I was under the impression that any Christianity there was due to mission-work from those in the West. I'd be very interested in reading more/talking to you more about this.
-QV
QV,
ReplyDeleteI'm curious as to how you see/define faith, spirituality, and belief for yourself and in general. Does not knowing if God exists mean you feel you have lost all faith? How does your sense of faith or belief differ from your sense (if any) of spirituality?
Caroline,
DeleteThose are very, very interesting questions, and I'll bet I can even make a whole post out of it!
When I hear you use spirituality like that, that makes me think more of the mystical side of religion, and I don't know that I necessarily experience that. However, my form of spirituality or spiritual-expression comes out through love and connection with others. Have you ever had a moment where you can just feel in your bones that someone important to you is going through something rough? It may sound crazy, but that's the sort of thing I feel. Many would argue that's the presence of the Holy Spirit. I can't definitively say what it is.
I strive to love others as much as I possibly can. I want to make our existence on earth as positive an experience as it can be, and I want to make sure there still is a world to live in for the kids of tomorrow.
I hate the notion of "losing faith." I HAVE faith: faith in my friends, faith in my family, faith in society, and faith in positive changes happening over time. I wouldn't even go so far as to say I've lost faith in God--I just don't know if I have it or not.
Does that answer your questions at all, or have I completely missed the target?
-QV