A return to hands

One of my posts a few months back was titled "Hands." It was this wonderful concoction of 2 parts cheese, 3 parts romance, 10 parts excitement, and 4 parts birthday present. In it, I talked through my first date with my now-boyfriend and my obsession with hand-holding techniques. Read it here if you haven't already.

I've been thinking about hands again a lot. Now, before you start to think I have some sort of weird hand-fetish (is that even a thing?), I need to share a few short stories:

Boyfriend lives in Ann Arbor, and I live in Grand Rapids. For those of you not from Michigan, it is nearly exactly a two hour drive from my house to his. That means that if we want to see each other, one of us has to drive for a minimum of 4 hours, plus the driving/riding involved in where we decide to go in the city we're in. I should not be complaining as it's a long-distance relationship with a doable distance, but it still sucks sometimes.

If someone were to ask the biggest difference between Grand Rapids and Ann Arbor, the first thing that comes up for me is one of politics. Grand Rapids, as a whole, is a lot more conservative-minded, where Ann Arbor, in general, is a lot more liberal-minded. It's actually kind of ironic because my closest super-liberal friends are from Grand Rapids, and one of my most conservative friends is from Ann Arbor, soooooo obviously it doesn't apply to all people.

That being said, it's two completely different atmospheres (unless you're talking about EastTown in which case, you have found my favorite spot in the city). For someone like me, the different atmospheres don't make any difference in how I'll behave or present myself. I'll do whatever I damn-well please, PDA and all.

Please note that by "PDA" I don't mean making out and being all over each other in public. I mostly am referring to hand-holding here.

Where I'm more of a forthright go-conquer-all type of person, Boyfriend is a bit more timid, especially when it comes to PDA. So, when he heard Grand Rapids was fairly conservative, he immediately worried more about it. For me, it didn't even cross my mind.

When it came to our first couple times in Grand Rapids together, unless we were in a house or completely alone, hand-holding was a rarity. I would try, and he'd pull away. I'd try harder, and he'd take my hand for a second then back out and stop. And, that's how it was for a while. For someone like me that is so physical about how he shows affection, I found this to be very difficult. He found the opposite to be true in that it was difficult that I was pushing him so hard about it.

Fast forward to this weekend. Friday night, I got to see Boyfriend in Grand Rapids. We took a trip to Meijer* together. On the way to the door, I noticed Boyfriend's hand was dangling down at his side. For most of his trips to Grand Rapids, when in public, he'd either stick his hand in his pocket or hold his other arm with it to prevent me from holding it. I wasn't quite sure if this new position was intentional or if he just hand't thought to take it away yet, so I reached out and grazed his fingertips.

And he allowed them to intertwine. And it was intentional.

And we walked in the store... and they were still together. And we walked around the store... and they were still together. And we walked out of the store... and they were still together.

Two weeks prior, I barely got him to hold my hand in the (completely empty) nature preserve at Calvin, and here we were, walking through MEIJER in GRAND RAPIDS holding hands. I wish I could go get those security tapes, because I was positively beaming.

As much as I enjoyed holding hands on our first date, I've got to say that this moment takes the cake so far in favorite moments with Boyfriend. Okay, maybe it's top 3, but you'll have to ask me in person for the other stories :)

-(a still smiling)QV

*The breaking of my Meijer fast demands a full blog post.

An apology

I have tried for weeks to be able to write a good follow-up post to my last one. I know it sparked a lot of negative feelings in people, and it was written in reaction to negative feelings. But no matter how hard I try to write it well, the words just never come out right.

I may have strong beliefs on matters, but I never wish to make people feel compromised of their own views.

Before you jump in with a "But!!" I want to make something very clear. I do have an exception: when your views infringe upon the rights and freedom of others, I have a problem with it. I don't think slavery in any fashion is okay, and if you do, I have a problem with that. I think women should be seen as equals, and that even though our society is making positive progress, we (including you and me, no matter how progressive you may think you are) have a long way to go. I believe anyone should be able to love whoever they want, and no one should be allowed to trample all over their rights to express that in whatever way they see as necessary and fulfilling.

But, I didn't do a great job demonstrating those beliefs in my last post. I do not claim to be perfect even though sometimes I may joke about it. I say that I'm cool with you believing what you want until you try to use it against others, yet what was I doing in my last post?

I'm going to leave my last post up both as a reminder to myself how ugly I can get, and as a memory of what I was thinking in that period of my life.

I do want to make my intent of that last post very clear, and I hope this helps explain it a bit. I was feeling very damaged from some recent experiences. I was having a hard time seeing how and why anyone could use religion to (even indirectly) attack someone, so it was much easier for me to claim it all brainwash than deal with the hard details of it. I grew up around Christianity; I'm not coming from a position where I don't have any base knowledge. Yet, I should have used just that to reach out in love rather than contempt.

-QV