Blue peg, pink peg

I don't think my blog will ever stop being sporadic in timing of posts. But seeing as it's Christmas, I figured it's about time I update again.

Today, I had my first of two family Christmas parties. There are a lot of crazy happenings (mostly not so great) going on in my family right now, so it was bound to be an awkward event. All in all, people seemed genuinely happy to be there. We got along, and current issues did not get brought up. Everyone was happy... except for me.

Holidays suck when you're queer.

No, but really.

I've been doing a bit of reading lately about the phenomenon of "minority stress." It's the idea that it's not always big moments of prejudice that cause people to be worn down; on the contrary, it's the little day-to-day things that add up. Today, my tipping point was playing Life.

If you're not familiar with Life (where do you live, under a rock?), it's a board game in which you travel throughout the journey of life. You start by choosing college or career, you eventually get married, buy a house, have kids (if you're lucky), and meet various obstacles and successes along the way.

I played Life with my 2nd grader nephew, my Kindergarten niece, and my father. I agreed to play because I love games. I didn't fully think about what stresses might arise because seriously... who thinks about that when they're going to play a game with their family?

I saw it coming long before it happened: "STOP: Get married." Well, okay, I thought, I'm not quite sure what's going to happen there.

See, when I first came out to my brother and sister-in-law, they made very clear the kids were "too young" to know about my sexuality. That's a topic for another time (though you can guess what camp I'm in), but suffice to say, I had no say about this. It hasn't come up again, and I haven't a clue if they're changed their minds. They certainly haven't given any indication to doing so.

I spun a 7. Well, here goes. I'm at the stop sign. Wait. I know! Dad can decide. He's banker. He looks at me. He looks in the box. I was the last to tie the knot, and he had previously immediately handed the opposite-colored pegs to my niece and nephew when they got married. Okay... What are you going to do? What probably took course over about 2.1 seconds seemed to be paused in time. Finally, he lifts up the box and hands it my way. Seriously? I have to choose? What's the best choice here? 

What WAS the best choice there? If I chose pink, I'd be living a lie. If I chose blue, I'd be being honest, but I could get get in trouble with my siblings for bringing it up. Maybe if I chose blue, my nephew would just laugh it off. Or, I could make some comment about not wanting to marry a woman, so I'm traveling around with a friend--but how would that be any less lying?

I chose pink.

And it killed me.

Readers, this may seem like such a small situation. How big a deal is pretending you're marrying a woman for the sake of a board game? But that's just it. My life is not a board game. I should not have to lie to someone about my life--even if he's only 8 years old.

Blue peg, pink peg. Pink peg, blue peg.

My car is two blue pegs. And I'm damn proud of that fact.

-QV

A return to hands

One of my posts a few months back was titled "Hands." It was this wonderful concoction of 2 parts cheese, 3 parts romance, 10 parts excitement, and 4 parts birthday present. In it, I talked through my first date with my now-boyfriend and my obsession with hand-holding techniques. Read it here if you haven't already.

I've been thinking about hands again a lot. Now, before you start to think I have some sort of weird hand-fetish (is that even a thing?), I need to share a few short stories:

Boyfriend lives in Ann Arbor, and I live in Grand Rapids. For those of you not from Michigan, it is nearly exactly a two hour drive from my house to his. That means that if we want to see each other, one of us has to drive for a minimum of 4 hours, plus the driving/riding involved in where we decide to go in the city we're in. I should not be complaining as it's a long-distance relationship with a doable distance, but it still sucks sometimes.

If someone were to ask the biggest difference between Grand Rapids and Ann Arbor, the first thing that comes up for me is one of politics. Grand Rapids, as a whole, is a lot more conservative-minded, where Ann Arbor, in general, is a lot more liberal-minded. It's actually kind of ironic because my closest super-liberal friends are from Grand Rapids, and one of my most conservative friends is from Ann Arbor, soooooo obviously it doesn't apply to all people.

That being said, it's two completely different atmospheres (unless you're talking about EastTown in which case, you have found my favorite spot in the city). For someone like me, the different atmospheres don't make any difference in how I'll behave or present myself. I'll do whatever I damn-well please, PDA and all.

Please note that by "PDA" I don't mean making out and being all over each other in public. I mostly am referring to hand-holding here.

Where I'm more of a forthright go-conquer-all type of person, Boyfriend is a bit more timid, especially when it comes to PDA. So, when he heard Grand Rapids was fairly conservative, he immediately worried more about it. For me, it didn't even cross my mind.

When it came to our first couple times in Grand Rapids together, unless we were in a house or completely alone, hand-holding was a rarity. I would try, and he'd pull away. I'd try harder, and he'd take my hand for a second then back out and stop. And, that's how it was for a while. For someone like me that is so physical about how he shows affection, I found this to be very difficult. He found the opposite to be true in that it was difficult that I was pushing him so hard about it.

Fast forward to this weekend. Friday night, I got to see Boyfriend in Grand Rapids. We took a trip to Meijer* together. On the way to the door, I noticed Boyfriend's hand was dangling down at his side. For most of his trips to Grand Rapids, when in public, he'd either stick his hand in his pocket or hold his other arm with it to prevent me from holding it. I wasn't quite sure if this new position was intentional or if he just hand't thought to take it away yet, so I reached out and grazed his fingertips.

And he allowed them to intertwine. And it was intentional.

And we walked in the store... and they were still together. And we walked around the store... and they were still together. And we walked out of the store... and they were still together.

Two weeks prior, I barely got him to hold my hand in the (completely empty) nature preserve at Calvin, and here we were, walking through MEIJER in GRAND RAPIDS holding hands. I wish I could go get those security tapes, because I was positively beaming.

As much as I enjoyed holding hands on our first date, I've got to say that this moment takes the cake so far in favorite moments with Boyfriend. Okay, maybe it's top 3, but you'll have to ask me in person for the other stories :)

-(a still smiling)QV

*The breaking of my Meijer fast demands a full blog post.

An apology

I have tried for weeks to be able to write a good follow-up post to my last one. I know it sparked a lot of negative feelings in people, and it was written in reaction to negative feelings. But no matter how hard I try to write it well, the words just never come out right.

I may have strong beliefs on matters, but I never wish to make people feel compromised of their own views.

Before you jump in with a "But!!" I want to make something very clear. I do have an exception: when your views infringe upon the rights and freedom of others, I have a problem with it. I don't think slavery in any fashion is okay, and if you do, I have a problem with that. I think women should be seen as equals, and that even though our society is making positive progress, we (including you and me, no matter how progressive you may think you are) have a long way to go. I believe anyone should be able to love whoever they want, and no one should be allowed to trample all over their rights to express that in whatever way they see as necessary and fulfilling.

But, I didn't do a great job demonstrating those beliefs in my last post. I do not claim to be perfect even though sometimes I may joke about it. I say that I'm cool with you believing what you want until you try to use it against others, yet what was I doing in my last post?

I'm going to leave my last post up both as a reminder to myself how ugly I can get, and as a memory of what I was thinking in that period of my life.

I do want to make my intent of that last post very clear, and I hope this helps explain it a bit. I was feeling very damaged from some recent experiences. I was having a hard time seeing how and why anyone could use religion to (even indirectly) attack someone, so it was much easier for me to claim it all brainwash than deal with the hard details of it. I grew up around Christianity; I'm not coming from a position where I don't have any base knowledge. Yet, I should have used just that to reach out in love rather than contempt.

-QV

Brainwash

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about religion and morality. I've got a religion class (and paper on sexual ethics) to blame for part of this, but I've had a couple experiences in my life recently that led me to feel even stronger about something I had already thought in the back of my mind.

Here are the stories:

#1. Two consenting adults in a relationship have sex. They have been dating a month. Friend: "I just can't believe it. I am so furious and disappointed. I thought they were better than this. That is so wrong. Even most non-Christians can see how this is morally wrong."

#2. Different friend posts an article about how the church needs to do a better job at loving gay people. This article says things like God thinks gays shouldn't shouldn't act on their desires for the good of them. It also talks about how it's actually love to tell a gay person they shouldn't be a "practicing" homosexual. It says that it's sad gay kids get bullied, but what they're doing is wrong, and we should still tell them that--in love! (Link provided at end of post)

I felt sick to my stomach at both of these occurrences. Did you?

Whatever your thoughts on sex, it is a deeply personal decision. This for some people is influenced by religion--and so be it--but imposing said beliefs on others is not right. Saying that even most non-Christians see sex--in a relationship, consensual, and with protection--is morally wrong is succumbing to blindness. Many non-Christians are even morally okay with casual sex!

Whatever your thoughts on LGBTQ persons, bullying is wrong. Degrading humans is also wrong, and telling people that a key piece of their identity is inherently corrupted and that they must ignore it leads to depression, self-harm, and even suicide. Would you rather have a gay kid who hates his existence and offs himself or have a gay kid who chooses to live out his sin (if you must believe it's a sin) just like you do every day of the week when you choose to tell a white lie, when you lust over your coworker, when you overeat on Thanksgiving, when you don't actually tithe 10% of your income, when you ignore that homeless person on the street. But being gay is the one that's contemptible to choose to live out. We won't bug each other 24/7 about those other sins because everyone does them.

COME ON, PEOPLE.

I've been led to conclude that religion, as a whole, is brainwash. Both of my friends in the stories truly believe to the core of their existence that what they were saying was right and true. It takes a lot of training for someone to not only be able to recite something but to believe it to the essence of their beings. 

There are so many inconsistencies in Christianity (and other religions, for that matter) that Christians either do not realize exist or willingly ignore. Bullshit answers are given as explanations. Why does evil exist? Well, it's the absence of God. Well, why did God allow it to exist? Because eventually He'll do away with it, making a greater good, but for now, it's just a part of His plan.

I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT. Isn't this the God that ordered all the firstborns of the Egyptians to be killed as a final plague? Isn't He the one that allowed David to murder-by-proxy Uriah, take his wife as his own, and still be king, but instead lose his firstborn IN A GRUELING SEVEN DAYS LONG DEATH!?

*Snorts* But, QV, that's OLD TESTAMENT. *chuckles and feels proud of himself for being able to point that out*

Okay, smartie-pants. Then did God change? According to Christianity, the relationship between God and humans changed with Jesus, but isn't He still the same God? He doesn't exactly sound like a great guy to me, and I can't just forget that all those things happened in the past.

Maybe, just maybe, you were raised in the church to believe that God is good, and that saturated your being so much that no matter the evidence to the contrary, you chose to believe it and would accept any stretch of logic (or breach of logic) required to believe that. This is brainwash.

-QV

----------------------------------
The article mentioned

Recent happenings

In case you're not already sick of seeing updates on Prop 8 and DOMA (hey, give me some credit! I waited a few days), I decided to write a blog post :P That being said, my post is not aimed at educating about its implications. Instead, I'm writing my reactions. I'd recommend having a pretty good understanding about the recent decisions from the Supreme Court before reading this post for it to fully make sense. I recommend checking out the Human Rights Campaign website to learn more.

Here's how it all happened:

8:00am: Cute text sent to boyfriend wishing him a happy morning. Gotta make sure he's cared for.
8:30am: Class begins. Discussion over last night's reading. Boring material.
9:00am: Discover text from boyfriend: "Supreme Court is announcing this morning." Phone turned back off. Anxious squirms.
10:00am: Class leaves for break, due back at 10:30. Phone immediately back on. Can't stand still.
10:08am: See phone, get updates about DOMA. Begin conversation of short, rapid texts that are hard to follow.
10:15am: Run to computer for clarification of texts.
10:28am: Prop 8 ruling.
10:30am: Back to class. Announcement to no one in particular about ruling. Prof cheers.

Needless to say, I was bouncing up and down the rest of the class. What I really wanted to do was go start a song and dance number about it... but, unfortunately, life is not a musical in which all people know the words to the song I'm making up on the spot.

No more DOMA, I thought, Our country is finally moving in a positive direction here. With these recent rulings means a much more expedited process for the future. These rulings pave the path for the future. Maybe I'll actually be able to get married in the state I'll be living in.

I hopped on Facebook later. Many of you have probably already seen the image George Takei posted, but it's just so relevant:

"When I checked FB again this morning..."

It was overwhelming the support I saw on Facebook, and not even just from fellow LGBTQ friends. I've noticed recently that I don't actually have very many conservative friends, and most of the ones who self-identify as conservative-leaning politically treat marriage equality liberally. That is not to say all of my friends are this way. But, as bad as it sounds, most of them have learned to keep their mouth shut about this issue around me (whether it be because I'll actually fight back--STRONG--or because they're afraid their opinions will hurt me, I'm not entirely sure).

For me, the announcements were a long-awaited gay Christmas. It was everything I didn't get at Pride this year and then some. I find it wonderful that these decisions were made in June--the month designated for queer pride.

I can't wait for the future. As a queer man, there's a pretty bright outlook. There will always be religious bigots that do not find it to be acceptable, and that's something all queers have to become resilient against, especially if, like me, they grew up in a Christian (or other religious) home. But, it's a pretty big deal that our government is starting to take the necessary steps to fully recognize us. 

Guess what? We're not a nation of conservative straight white Christian men. We're a nation of Christian, Jew, Atheist, and Agnostic; we're a nation of straight, bi, gay, and queer; we're a nation of white, black, Latino, and Asian. Let's start treating it like that.

-QV

P.S. I'm not purposely omitting subgroups from my lists. I know we're more than just the religions, sexualities, and nationalities I listed.

Pride pt. II

I promise the next post will be a recipe! I've just been low on food with no real desire to go shopping lately.

In my last post concerning pride, I mostly wrote about the let-down that was pride fest this year (or, at least what I saw of it). What I did not talk about was the parade.

See, as I mentioned, last year I was in Chicago for their festivities and parade. Unfortunately, I didn't plan things out enough in advance to make it work this year, and Chicago decided to throw it's festivals and parade on different weekends, AND I'm just starting summer classes... so I won't be down there.

The parade in Chicago was still fairly tame compared to what you might see in San Francisco. There were man groups represented there: small businesses, bars, advocacy groups, and even churches. Of course, being a pride parade, you had some scantily clad men (and women!), especially on the floats representing the Boytown clubs, but for the most part it was a very family friendly event. This was slightly surprising to me, as the media always tends to emphasize the sexual side of it, using it as yet another argument against LGBTQ persons.

I actually got questions along these lines a lot when I was first coming out: "Why are pride parades all about men in g-strings and exorbitant amounts of rainbows?" That's the sort of thing a newly-out queer guy doesn't quite know how to answer, but I'm going to do my best to tackle a bit of it here in this post. Please remember, these are my thoughts, and many other queer people would disagree with me.

First of all, the parades are NOT about those things. Pride parades exist as a celebration of freedom, of breaking free. For too long, the LGBTQ community has hid in shadows, and that does real damage on one's soul and self-esteem. Once a year, we're allowed to step forward to the surface, celebrate together, and really be ourselves.

Imagine in this way: say you had a Romeo and Juliet relationship in that you always had to hide your feelings toward that person, and nobody could ever see you together. Then, once a year, you were allowed to be with that person out in public. Would you not take their hand, scream to the rooftops, and fully enjoy that day?

Some people take that to a bit of an extreme. I personally don't find it appropriate to wear less in a pride parade than you normally would in public. I'm not saying I don't enjoy it when I see it (hey, I gotta be honest!), but it still bothers me. We're asking for our equality and trying to promote how we're not any different than anyone else, that for most of us, we have the same draw toward forming families and have the same moral values...and then a few go against the grain and show quite the opposite. The media sees those few, latches onto them, and uses it against us. Lovely.

That being said, how is it any different for straight people? Think of festivals like Lollapalooza. Does this not spark images of women in revealing outfits, sex and drugs done in public, and alcohol everywhere? Many conservatives will get all up in arms, claiming queer people are all driven by sex, yet why do they turn a blind eye to their own clubs and hook-up culture in general? If two men sleep together on a first date, it's used as evidence that queers are sex-driven, family-breaking maniacs. If a man and a women go home together from the club and hook-up, it's seen as the way society works. Hello, double-standard.

A man walking down the street in his underwear is miles from this.

That being said, I wish more big pride festivals and parades were family-oriented. They should be a safe place for people of all ages, not perpetuating the idea that a child can't understand homosexuality until he or she is of a certain age.

West MI Pride in former years (and probably this year too, if only I was there early enough) does exactly this. They even have a kids booth! This year was the first ever West MI Pride parade, as well. Though it only lasted 20 minutes, it was a safe place for absolutely anyone to be. These are the sorts of things we need to do if we want to bring about equality faster. These are the sorts of values we need to do a better job demonstrating, the reasons we'll win the more conservative people over.

-QV

Hands

*Disclaimer: this post is a long story full of gushing, excitement, and cheese. Read at your own risk.*

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten comments in person about my vivid storytelling techniques. I LOVE talking about what's going on in my life, especially when exciting things happen. I'm not sure if I'm interesting to listen to via blog posts since my hands and face are a large part what makes me so animated, but nonetheless, I try.

Several times already in my life, I've found myself in relationships right around one of our birthdays. As if coming up with birthday ideas isn't hard enough, there's the added awkwardness of what to get your significant other.

Side-note: my high school girlfriend bought me a Rubik's cube for my birthday, which fell exactly a week after we started dating. It was cute, inexpensive, and already significant in our relationship (I taught her how to solve one).

What happens when you get into a relationship with a guy long-distance, notice on Facebook his birthday is coming up, go out to visit him the day before his birthday, and forget until he mentions what he's doing the next day? #1. You feel like an idiot for not remembering that right away and planning something cute for him. #2. You call him on the ride home precisely at midnight to wish him a happy birthday. #3. You write a blog post.

That's right, folks. My boyfriend is 22 today. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, being 22 is "miserable and magical, oh yeah." I don't know about miserable, but I hope he's feeling pretty magical right now, or at least will be by the end of this post.

I've only gotten the chance to tell a few friends the story of how we met and how we started dating officially. So, hey, in case you're wondering... here goes:

*Edit: I thought I'd tell the whole story, instead you get the story of the first date. I didn't realize how long it'd be until I finished typing :)*

Once upon a time, QV was overwhelmed with the idea of trying to find a boyfriend. After all, in QV's society, you couldn't just randomly go up to a guy and ask if he was queer; you might get punched. He wasn't interested in any of his queer friends, so he decided to join a free online dating site.

Aaaaaand switching out of the 3rd person. I feel like that might get annoying after a while.

Scrolling through profile after profile and seeing nothing too exciting is somewhat disheartening. That's what that site mainly did. Note to friends: don't visit an online dating site when you're lonely.

I hadn't been on there in a while, but one day I decided to log in and see if anybody new was there. I clicked on Quickmatch and began perusing profiles recommended for me (which... seriously, how do those algorithms work!?). Boring... crazy... only wants sex... lives in Ontario... It was pretty average, until...

There he was. The most mysterious guy I'd ever seen on there. I'll admit I looked through his pictures immediately before checking out his profile. Let it be known that I do not care so much about looks--but it felt like his eyes were gazing into my soul, so I had to see more.

I started looking at his profile. He lives on the other side of the state, has a dog, eats vegan, loves animals, wants to be a vet... all wonderful qualities in my mind. I decide to give it a go and send potentially one of the most awkward messages known to mankind:

"Hello! I read through your profile and some of your questions, and it seems like we've got some pretty similar views on things. I eat vegetarian (leaning towards veganism) and also identify as agnostic.

Read through my profile if you've got time and learn a bit about me :) I'd love to talk more if you're up for it!

-QV"

Smooth. Gotta impress him with my dietary habits and religious leanings, because obviously those are the most important things a guy is looking for.

He responded though. Messaging quickly moved to texting, and texting led to setting up a first date. We would meet in a city halfway between us for coffee, and if that went well, a walk. And with that, off we were.

I tend to over-think things when I'm nervous. I spent way too long trying to decide on a outfit that was both casual and cute for that first date. Guess what? I already forget what I was wearing.

Because of that, though, I was running a bit behind. Then, I hit construction and was even more behind. I texted him from the gas station telling him I was going to be a bit later than expected...then pulled over again later to tell him I was going to be even later. He got there twenty minutes before I did, and I felt awful for making him wait.

So, I get there, and I see him standing there. He looks really awkward and nervous, but definitely not angry at me for being late. PHEW. I make awkward small talk while ordering my coffee and curse myself for letting him get there before me and already have ordered and paid for his own drink, but I try not to let that get to me. We sit down at a table, seats next to each other, rather than across.

It's our first time meeting in person and really the first time hearing each other's voices. It's so awkward. We find things to talk about, which mainly centered around his research and theories. I become a little scared to talk since I probably sound like an idiot next to his eloquent speaking. So, I listen.

What I hear coming from his mouth are not just the words he's speaking. I hear passion. Fire. Struggle.  Creativity. I hear the words of someone so invested in what he does. I take a mental note that he, like myself, tends to get louder and louder the more excited he is about something, and also, like myself, begins to talk faster and faster. Adorable.

I was worried because I hadn't said much (and when I did, it came out like a blubbering fool), he would want to end the date as soon as our coffee was finished, but he was the first to bring it up: "Well, do you want to head to the park?" "Yes! Yes!"

So, we did. Neither of us knew the park, and he got lost and called me on the way. Note to everyone: it's pretty hard to give directions to somewhere you've never been before in a city you're unfamiliar with. Somehow, we both made it.

On our walk, we talked about life, love, family, friends, religion, animals... virtually anything you can think of. Somewhere along the way, we had a movie-moment where our hands accidentally brushed. He was the first to grab it. I'm the kind of person who is big on physical touch, so this for me was a pretty big moment. I could feel his heart pounding faster in his wrist, so I like to think it was pretty big for him too.

Now, bear with me a moment as I expose to the world how ridiculously strange I am. The moment his fingers intertwined with mine, I noticed a few things: #1. Our hands fit perfectly into each other and #2. The position that we naturally went into was the most natural hand-holding position for me.

(Actually, that's a lie. That was not what I thought the moment his fingers intertwined with mine. What really happened was that my brain went "OH MY GOSH HE'S HOLDING MY HAND!! AHH!! Okay. Deep breath. Don't freak out. Enjoy the moment. See how great it feels? OH GOSH, DON'T START SWEATING LIKE CRAZY. NO GUY WANTS TO DATE A GUY WITH CLAMMY HANDS." Only after I got through those thoughts did my brain to go checking to see if we were comfortable.)

Hand-compatibility: it's something I think about it. When you're holding hands with another person, several things can serve to make either and enjoyable experience or an extremely awkward experience. #1. Do you go over or under with your wrist? #2. Do your respective hand-sizes work well together? #3. Whose thumb goes on top? and #4. Are you the same on both sides?

I have hands that naturally fall into different positions on both sides, so it's actually slightly difficult for me to find someone that I'm HC (hand-compatible) with on both sides. The first hand we tried (my right, his left) was perfect. Positions comfortable, sizes match... cool!

But, see, you remember I said I'm ridiculously strange, right? Well, at one point, we took a seat on a bench and talked there for a while. Because I needed to know, I made sure I ended up on the other side of him when we stood back up in order to check that hand. Yup.

... For reference, we're perfect on that side too.

We eventually made it back to our cars after getting lost in the woods for a while, had a hug goodbye, and went our separate ways. Two dates later, we decided to call it official, and five days later here we are.

I greatly look forward to seeing where this relationship goes. Right now, I'm just enjoying each step of our journey, and love getting to know him better day by day, even if that means taking a moment to register when his birthday is.

Readers (other than Boyfriend), if you made it this far, I applaud you. I'm actually curious if any of you found this post enjoyable :P

Boyfriend, I wish you a very, very happy birthday :) I'm sorry I can't be there in person today, but I cannot wait until the next time I see you.

-QV

Pride

Side-note before the post actually begins: I know I have not posted a recipe in a while. Does anyone have a specific request of something I've fed them or talked about making?

----------------------------------------------

It's June, which to a queer man like me is basically Christmas over and over again. It's the month of Pride celebrations. Last year, I went to three different prides, including making a journey down to Chicago for their  celebration and parade. I've got a friend down there I can stay with, and it just so happened that the Pride parade fell on her birthday. We joked that the parade was thrown for her, and what an amazing birthday it must have been for an amazing gay woman (she once explained to me that she preferred to be called gay rather than lesbian, as gay is an adjective, where lesbian is [often] a noun)  in my life.

This year, I made it to the pride festival in Grand Rapids. Unlike previous years, where the festival was out in the buoys in a park in the middle of nowhere, this year they had it right in the heart of downtown. This was to celebrate the 25th anniversary, as well as a result of a different sponsor putting it all together. I was extremely eager to go, especially newly being in a relationship, and I was even more excited about the fact that it was downtown.

Long story short: the schedule was not made clear anywhere (except in a booklet you could get at the festival itself, but they ran out before we arrived), and the festival itself--at least what I saw of it--was sub-par. Typically, the schedule would be posted online a few days before the festival, and you could plan out what groups you'd go to see perform. There were also usually tons of booths from various organizations in the area, some with information about what they do, some selling artwork or jewelry, but all filled with wonderfully talkative people.

They took the booths down at 7. My boyfriend and I arrived at 7:20. So much for me showing off how amazing West MI Pride is.

I admittedly have a bit of a skewed view of festival this year simply because I didn't see it at its peak earlier on in the day. Regardless, to me, it felt like going to Thanksgiving only to find out no one brought pumpkin pie.

THAT BEING SAID...

I am overjoyed that it was able to take place downtown. I hope this tradition continues. It was pretty damn awesome not having to feel like we were hiding off in a park somewhere where no one would accidentally see what's going on.

-QV

Fast food

As a young 20s guy, freshly out (almost) of college, I have many vegan and vegetarian friends. Because of this, I don't have to do a lot of hunting to find interesting articles about what's going on in the world related to those issues; I simply have to scroll through my Facebook news feed.

This morning, a friend of mine posted something that immediately caught my eye. In Bolivia, McDonalds tried to establish itself. It was immediately met with rejection by many of the locals, and distrust from many others. According to the article, "Bolivians simply don't trust food prepared in such little time." Additionally, the people were able to resist the golden arches due to knowing financially it did not make any sense. McDonalds tried to gain momentum there, but after a decade of yearly losses, they left. Read the full article here.

As an American--and it pains me to admit it--I'm very time-oriented. I work best with a schedule, and when I'm most stressed, I often spend time planning out my next few hours down to the very minute ("Okay, from 7:04-7:28, I'll write my reflection for seminar... from 7:28-7:52 I'll study music history... from 7:52-7:54, I can take a bathroom break.").

Though I doubt most people become as extreme as I do with time, there's no doubt American culture revolves around it. Think about it: let's say you were meeting a friend for coffee at 7 pm. You arrive there, likely at 7:00 or 7:01. You're waiting patiently, knowing your friend will be there any second. 7:05 comes around, and you start to wonder if maybe she is just running a bit late, and you double-check your phone to see if maybe she contacted you. Nope. 7:10 rolls around. "I really hope she's okay," you start thinking, "Was she in an accident? No. Couldn't be. But maybe..." So, you resolve to call her at 7:15. She arrives at 7:12 looking quite flustered and apologizes profusely for being extremely late. You enjoy your coffee together, ad at the end of your time together, she apologies again for being late. All for twelve minutes.

...Twelve minutes in the context of a whole 24 hour day is not very long.

To prepare a wonderful meal often takes a good deal of time. That's where fast food steps in. You can get a hot, filling meal in mere seconds. Add in the fact that they're everywhere, and you've got an equation that leads to instant profit for those restaurants.

Rather than fully close this post off with what I think, I'd like to instead ask a few questions: What happened to our culture that led us to become to dependent on each second of our time? Why are we not willing to spend our time in the kitchen? Why do so many Americans not know how to prepare anything besides peanut butter toast and pasta, unless it involves a microwave?

-QV

Why I hate gay marriage

I hate "gay marriage." I don't like it one bit.

... What!?

Okay, but in all seriousness, you'll notice I put those words in quotations. My issue does not lie in the concept of gay people marrying (I mean, come on, I do hope to have a husband some day, after all), but lies in the phrasing we use when talking about it. I give partial credit to my roommate, RC, for bringing this to my attention many months ago. It was something that, at the time, I couldn't quite articulate my problem with. Her explanation made it so clear:

"I hate how we call it 'gay marriage.' As a straight woman, when I'm married, I'm just going to be married, not 'in a heterosexual marriage.' The same goes for gay people."

This is paraphrased, but it's so very true. While fighting for (or even demanding) our equality, we are using language that separates us, language that makes us "the other." We're saying on the surface that we want the same right to marry just as any opposite-sex couple has, but we're using language that makes this marriage out to be something completely different.

What I want is something not any different from my friends who got married six months ago. I want to be able to stand up in front of everyone, announce my love and commitment to the man I'm marrying, and have a small party afterwards. I want to be able to have this recognized by the government and receive the benefits of marriage. I want to grow old with my husband and remind the world that love comes in many different forms.

I choose to use the phrasing "marriage equality." In such a divisive battle, why choose to use language that divides us even further?

-QV

Successes

After my last two not-so-happy blog entries, I wanted to make sure I put up a happier one. This is not to make the last two less legitimate; my struggles were wholly true. Instead, it's more to balance the struggles with the successes. It's written in the same stream-of-conscious style.

Without further ado... my successes:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's nice when someone asks questions, longing to know more. It's nice when someone asks me about my desires for the future. It's nice when someone talks to me about my relationships with guys as if it is nothing out of the ordinary.

It's easy when I talk to someone new and  casually omit pronouns, and she picks up on it and does so back to me. It's easy when it's confirmed with only a look, and proper pronouns are then utilized. It's easy when this is done so discretely, I do not need to have a big coming out moment.

It's fun when my girlfriends are talking about cute guys, and I can jump right in. It's fun when that hot cross-country runner jogs by, shimmering on a warm, spring day, and it's fun when we all squeal with delight. It's fun when none of them look at me weird for joining in.

It's touching when I see him struggling to accept himself, when I give him a look, and when he realizes he's not alone. It's touching because I was there too. It's touching because I know he'll be okay.

It's awesome when my friend tells me, excitedly, that she told her parents adamantly she is for gay marriage. It's awesome when a friend quietly apologizes for reacting poorly when I first came out, and it's even more awesome when she goes on to explain she believes in equal rights. It's awesome when my boss buys me coffee simply for being who I am and being a strong person.

It's beautiful when that shy boy comes up to me and comes out for the very first time. It's beautiful when that shy girl comes up to me and comes out for the very first time.

It's remarkable when my camp crush from another state was the first one to introduce me to gay issues, and had she not fought to stay in contact with me in the years that followed, she might have never known how far along I've come in my own journey. It's remarkable how she called or texted me each time she'd be around my town, and we'd always meet up. It's remarkable when she continues to offer me support, even currently from the other side of the world. It's remarkable how we met nearly nine years ago.

It's the best feeling in the world when someone makes a rude or bigoted commented, and before I  can open my mouth, he's there, halfway already through his first sentence. It's the best feeling in the world when someone asks your friend how they feel about LGBTQ rights and instead of responding, "I'm still struggling to figure them out... " she responds, "I believe everyone deserves to love and marry, regardless of sexual orientation." It's the best feeling in the world when one friend asks, "But... what about the Bible?" and the other friend responds, "I believe the Bible has been misused and misquoted throughout history, and people tend to twist it to their own purposes. I believe Jesus preached a message of love and acceptance, not of fear and intolerance." It's the best feeling in the world when I didn't put those words in her mouth, but they line up exactly with what I've thought for years.

-QV 

Judgment

Here's the scenario: I'm out to dinner and drinks with two friends. Friend A is pretty liberal, Christian, and would vote yes for marriage equality because we're a nation of more than just Christian values, but personally does not believe it is the right way to live one's life. Friend B is even more liberal, Christian, and totally okay with marriage equality.

This is a pretty typical group dynamic for me to be around, so this scenario (which actually happened) could be replicated any number of times.

Friend A: On the way here, QV said I judge him. What the heck?

Friend B: QV, uh, what?! How could you say that? She loves everybody.

Friend A: Yeah! Just because I don't agree with it doesn't mean I'm going to impose judgment upon you!

Begin cycle of attacking QV, who tries to defend himself but is feeling more and more defeated, and feeling the affects of alcohol, his cognitive processes are functioning at 90% in a conversation they need to be working at 150%. It was not pretty. I half-won Friend A over with a half-assed "Put yourself in my shoes and see how it feels" argument, but it didn't last long. I eventually just asked them to stop, told them I was feeling attacked, and requested we change topics.

...I was pretty quiet the rest of the night.

------------------------------------------------------

Can we please stop using the argument, "I'm not judging you; I just don't think it's right. I don't have to agree with everything you do, and that's not judgment"? The very definition of judge is "to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically" (thanks, dictionary.com!). "I don't think it's right" sounds an awful lot like a formed-opinion.

Friend A (as well as any friends who think similarly), I hope you're reading this. I am in no way saying you think less of me. That's not what I mean by judging me (though, for some people, it sadly does). I'm also not saying you're telling me to change. But to fundamentally believe one of the key aspects of my existence (who I fall in love with, who I date, who I marry) is wrong, a sin, or against God (pick your favorite) hurts me to my very core. 

I spent years struggling over what it meant to be queer and Christian. Though I don't identify as one of those two anymore, I still believe many Christians grossly misinterpret the Bible to say things it's not actually saying. They also try to read it in our present culture rather than see the culture it was written in.

To everyone: it's easy for me to grin and bear it when I hear over and over again, "I'll always love you and support you" (okay... awesome... cool... yes!!) "...BUT I don't believe it's right" (*cue heart shattering into a tiny million pieces). It feels like you're telling me, "Okay, yeah, of course you can be you. No one's stopping you. And I'll even go along with it. But, deep-down... I actually think you're making the biggest mistake ever."

"My friend smokes pot, and I don't agree with that or think it's right, but I just figure, 'Hey, he can live his life and make his own decisions.' Is that judgment?" YES. YES IT IS. Even though you let him do what he wants, you thinking he needs to straighten up and live his life more like how you live yours is judgment. Also, now my love-life is compared to illegal (as of now in my state) drugs? Thanks.

"Aren't you doing the same thing to me? Judging me for not believing what you think is right? Are you seriously saying that I have to believe everything you think?" To the last sentence: no, of course not. To the first two: that's a valid point. If I'm to fully follow through with what I believe judging to be, I suppose I am judging you for not agreeing with me here. There's a key difference though: You holding any opinion on LGBTQ issues does not affect your personal life in any way, but it does affect mine. I'm going to be me no matter what, but it still hurts when friends show support only on the surface.

-QV

Struggles

*Disclaimer: these are my own personal thoughts and do not reflect the journey of any other queer person. These all came out stream-of-conscious style*

When I first came out, I always said I had the easiest experience anyone has ever had with doing so. This wasn't far from the truth: my family (generally) responded well, my friends (for the most part) responded well, heck, even my girlfriend responded well. That, in combination with my generally confident behavior made for an easy time.

Fast-forward a few years...

Being queer is hard. 

It's hard because people assume that because it's more and more accepted these days, that means it's not hard to be queer. It's hard because people assume what I say about my own experience is the same as anybody else's experience. It's hard because people assume my happy demeanor  means I have no struggles.

It's hard because I say one thing in response to a question one day, and then a month later I realize that's not the best way of answering it, so I try to explain again, but then just sound like I'm constantly changing my mind.

It's hard because I get riled up easily. It's hard because I am passionate. It's hard because I want to be the front running for queer rights. It's hard because that's on my mind a lot, and it's hard because I like to talk about it. It's hard because "Look, I'm okay with you being gay and all, but do you have to talk about it all the time?"

It's hard because every time she mentions her boyfriend, her current lover, her crush, her attractions, her family, herself... Look, I'm okay with you being straight and all, but do you have to talk about it all the time?

It's hard because we're everywhere and it's hard because we're nowhere. It's hard because the invisibility is crushing, so you overcompensate by being as loud and proud as you can. It's hard because it's Pride Month, and you never want the festivities to end.

It's hard because the media represents us in a stereotypical fashion. It's hard when we fit those stereotypes. It's hard when people complain about there being an abnormally high number of LGBTQ high school students in Glee when I know this number is not abnormally high at all. It's hard because I find Will & Grace funny.

It's hard because many of my friends will not be attending my wedding. It's hard because my best friend is uncertain whether she'd come to my wedding. It's hard because my dad will not be at my wedding. It's hard because I'll be hurting at my wedding. It's hard because I may never have a wedding. 

It's hard because I can't just simply go up to the person I'm interested in and flirt with him. It's hard because I'm a flirty person. It's hard because I can't just ask someone straight up about their sexuality. It's hard because I have a lot of love to give.

It's hard because queer men are awful to each other. It's hard because "masculine," "straight-acting," "no fatties," "no queens," "I only like white men." 

It's hard because we protest, we beg, we scream, we deserve our rights. It's hard because we celebrate the first openly gay senator and then find each tiny little flaw in her until she is nothing. It's hard because we're overjoyed a president has the common sense to say we deserve our rights. It's hard because this attitude should be the norm. It's hard because it's not.

-QV

Stuffed acorn squash

I have a huge weakness for winter squash. Even though it is not winter time and squash prices are jacked up, I will often have a moment where I get to the check-out lane, and somehow a squash has magically appeared in my cart. Butternut, acorn, spaghetti... you name it. Winter squash is such a comfort food.

Sundays are the day I often do a lot of cooking. It's the day I make bread. It's the day I always have stir-fry for dinner. It's the day I've made pasta from scratch. For a while when I was student teaching, it was the day I'd make my lunches for the week.

Today, I decided to use an acorn squash I recently purchased and make some sort of stuffed squash recipe. I've made similar ones before, but this one came entirely out of my own mind. It's very easily modifiable for your own taste preferences.


Here's what you'll need:

Tools:

• Paring knife
• Metal spoon
• Small casserole dish
• Stove pot with lid
• Small bowl for holding squash guts (I used a measuring cup here. There is no reason it needs to be a measuring cup)
• Small container for marinating tofu (I started taking pictures after I started marinating the tofu. Oops)
• Frying pan (not pictured)

Ingredients:

• Acorn squash
• Rice (I used white simply because that's what I had. Wild rice for this recipe would be PERFECT)
• Frozen block of firm tofu
• Pineapple chunks
• Craisins (can use raisins or another small tart fruit)
• Soy sauce
• Lemon juice
• Agave (honey works fine too, but agave makes this a fully vegan recipe :D)
• Ginger (fresh or ground, but with fresh, make sure you sautee it first)
• Sesame seeds

Most of these ingredients I have in my cupboards at all times.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350

If you've never worked with tofu before, it's not too hard to use. After you open it, you can refrigerate it for a few days if you submerge it in water (and change the water daily). You can also freeze it. Frozen tofu turns yellow, and this is okay. Defrost it, and it will have the consistency of a sponge. Remove as much of the water as you can by gently squeezing it. 

Make your marinade. I used equal parts soy sauce, agave, and lemon juice, combined with sesame seeds and ginger. This is similar to the sauce used on sesame chicken. Place the thawed tofu in the marinade, turn it over so all sides are coated, and place in the refrigerator.

 Slice the acorn squash vertically in half. It should look like the picture (though hopefully a bit yellower than the crappy lighting in the picture shows!).

With your spoon, scrape out the guts and seeds. Place them in the bowl you grabbed for them, since the seeds can be roasted and enjoyed :) (Alas, a recipe for another day. Find a recipe for roasted pumpkin seeds and use these)

I like to make monster noises as I scrape out the insides.

Place the squash cut-side up in your casserole pan. I only did half the squash today, but you can do both halves (may need to add 10 minutes or so to the cooking time then). Add about half an inch of warm water to the bottom of the pan to allow for more even cooking of the squash. Place it in the oven and take note of the time. It will take about 40 minutes. It's ready to come out when it's fork-tender.

Meanwhile, make rice. A few tips here: use half as much rice as liquid. Pictured is half a cup of rice, and that was more than enough for me. Bring the water to a boil, add the rice, cut the heat to a simmer, and place the lid on top. DO NOT OPEN THE LID AS THE RICE COOKS. It can take anywhere from 16-20 minutes, and you know it's done when it looks like the picture: no water, only drastically-grown rice.

As the rice is cooking, take your tofu out of the refrigerator. Turn again to coat, and dice. Add this (and remaining marinade) to a frying pan. Also throw in the pineapple chunks with their juice. I used about 1/4 of the large can I had. Fry for about 4 minutes.

When the pineapple starts to look a little browned, add the cranberries and fry for a couple more minutes so all is heated through. Feel free to sample throughout :)

Stir the fried mixture in with the rice. Because my timing was slightly off with my squash, I kept the lid on this pan and let it sit for about 10 minutes until my squash finished.

Carefully remove the squash from the oven after 40 minutes (or so). Dry the bottom of the squash and put on a plate. Using your spoon, fill the squash with as much of the rice mixture as you'd like! Mine was overflowing :)





-----------------------------------------------

I received word this morning that a friend of mine (a die-hard sweet potato hater) tried my recipe and LOVED it. Comment on the posts if you end up trying my recipes and how they turned out for you!

-QV

An experiment

Today, I'm double-posting ("GASP!!"). I don't want to have two recipes in a row, but what I'm making for lunch is too delicious not to post!

Before that, though, I would like to make public my summer experiment: I am not going to buy any food-items from chain supermarkets this summer.

... What??

It all started when I became vegetarian. Being vegetarian to me doesn't simply mean "I won't eat meat." I'm not inherently opposed to eating animals. It's the way we treat them in the U.S. It's how we jack them full of hormones to grow to three times their normal size. It's when we force them to keep eating and eating and eating and butcher them years before they have had a good life. It's the way we force them into close quarters, thinking of them as a product rather than a being.

I know some sustainable farmers in the area that treat their animals right. If they sat me down for a hamburger meal, I'd eat it without a second thought.

Our meat industry also damages the environment, but more on that later...


Chain supermarkets do a great job providing any kind of food at any time of year. But, that doesn't come without a cost. I've already explain what happens with meat, but this also happens with produce. It's not logically possible to have fresh strawberries in December, so we import them from other places. The carbon dioxide we release into the environment with the transportation harms the environment, and at what cost? So we can have strawberries for $4 a box in December? Additionally, when we import from other countries (not all, mind you), we often turn a blind eye to unfair wages and treatment of works. That's not worth it to me.

(Side-note: some chains watch this better than others. Meijer does do a good job of using some local foods--Michigan apples and blueberries, for instance.)

I also do not like how chain stores choke out the local stores. I'd much rather give my business to someone in the area rather than a corporation controlling everything.


So what are the terms I have? I will not buy food-items from chain supermarkets this summer. I also maybe eliminated buying other items from them--I'm trying to work out exact details. In addition, as much as possible, I want to buy local.

I already purchase most of my food fresh, rather than processed. I'd rather make something from scratch than use a mix. I'll have to eat a bit more seasonally as I buy from the farmer's market, but that's a small price to pay. It's how people did it for thousands of years. I'll shop at local stores: I know a good health foods store in the area (where I get all my spices) and Horrocks (local store) has just about everything I could possibly need. I can get my flour from a mill out in Holland when I visit a few friends out there.

As a society, we are so reliant on supermarkets to be there for our every need. This summer, I hope to show that it's possible to live without them. I also hope to show myself what conscious living can do. Yes, it is more time-consuming, but this is time I wish to spend in a wholesome way. It also takes less and less time each day.

-QV

Sweet potato fries

One of the recipes I most often get requests for is my sweet potato fries. Now, you have to understand one thing first--these are not actually fries. They are simply roasted sweet potatoes in the shape of fries. If you're expecting something with the texture of a fry, this is not where you want to look. Mine melt in your mouth, make you want more, and are generally healthy.

My apologies in advance for the crappy cell phone pictures.

Here's what you'll need:

Tools:

• Paring knife
• Cutting board
• Large bowl
• Oven pan

Ingredients:

• 1 sweet potato (pictured is a large one. That's because my dad bought it. Normally, I use smaller ones. I find them easier to work with and generally a bit softer. It should be bright orange as you cut into it)
• Olive oil
• Spices. Note: this can go several ways, and feel free to make up your own!
• QV's traditional (pictured): parsley, rosemary, thyme, sage, salt
• Autumn: brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg
• Zesty: paprika, pinch of cayenne, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper

Preheat oven to 450.

Cut the gross spots off the exterior of the sweet potato, but leave most of the skin on.

Cut the sweet potato into fry shapes, about half an inch thick all the way around. Length does not matter (seen on right).

Place sweet potatoes in a bowl, add a bit of oil (don't go too crazy! No need to add too much extra fat), and add spices (I tend to go crazy with them).

♪ Shake, shake. Shake, shake-a shake it! ♫

Then, place the fries in your pan and stick them in the oven.

After 12 minutes, take the fries out and turn them. They should be notably dimmer, and some of the bottoms will have brown spots on them. Put them back in the oven for 8-10 minutes.

Take them out. They should be no longer shimmering, and there should be brown spots on all fries. This was pretty hard to photograph with a cell phone...

I paired this with asparagus and zucchini, pan-fried in sesame oil and tossed with sesame seeds. I also ate for about 12 people because I was starving after having a very small lunch. I have no shame whatsoever :)

Religion part 2

Admittedly, this post is a lot tougher to write than the one yesterday. It's hard enough to talk to individual friends and family members about some of these thoughts I've been having, but to fully make them public is a much different feeling. It's almost like a second coming-out. I feel like I've just found the last Double Jeopardy on the board and risked it all.

If you're still reading, it's probably because you're really wondering about how my previous post continues. You're trying to figure out how I moved from being a Christian on my own terms to this mysterious land of agnosticism. You may be simply wondering what I mean by agnosticism. Please take note that it means for me is likely very different than for another person.

Let's start with the questions I was facing. I apologize for the harshness of some of them; I don't apologize for not holding back what I'm thinking. This is QV laid out on a slab, body cut open, heart exposed for all to see. Without further ado... the questions:

How can a God who is inherently good allow evil to exist? I always hated this question in class and it was always seen as a cop-out answer against God when I considered myself a Christian, but now it seems so relevant. The Christian answer seems to be that God didn't create evil, that evil is the absence of good, and that the even greater good accomplished by eventually triumphing over evil is far better than any small good we can see now. Also, Satan is the one that causes evil to happen, not God.

...If Satan is capable of turning good to evil, doesn't that make him more powerful than God?

How can a good God show favoritism? "Oh, I'm just gonna create a world and inhabit it with people. But, I'm gonna let many of them suffer, and I'll pick my favorites (the ones who worship me) to come live with me forever. The others? Naw. They can rot in hell/cease to exist [depending on your definition of hell]. I say I love them, but really, I only care about the ones I love."

...But seriously...

"Oh, and the ones I save? You can spend the rest of eternity praising me because I AM AWESOME AND NOT NARCISSISTIC AT ALL!!!"

Also, what kind of God allows his people to grossly misinterpret His Word over and over again and use it as a weapon against others? For forever, religion has been used to discriminate against various groups of people (and no, this is not exclusive to Christianity). Women are subjected to abuse and are seen as less than men, slavery was condoned and even justified, and queer people are constantly discriminated all in the name of God. I personally believe God, if He exists, is not okay with any of this, so why does he allow people to continue thinking in such a manner?

I then started questioning the nature of Christianity itself: 

How do we know that Christianity is the one true religion? Why would God really seemingly only care about Western culture and reveal himself there? Like, seriously: what kind of God over all people decides to reveal himself in only one small pocket of the world and then expect to be known everywhere?

Is religion simply a man-made product? Do men (and yes, I really do generally mean men) create religions of their own purposes and agendas in order to convince others their way of life is the best way to do things? If we look throughout history, we're able to find examples of this, as well as examples of men twisting already-formed religions for their own agendas. Who's to say Christianity didn't arise out of all of this? Sure, there are real historical accounts of Israel's and Judah's kings, but that doesn't prove Christianity's legitimacy.

"That's why you gotta have faith."

^ Another cop-out. What this is essentially saying to me is that I need to trust something I'm not sure of with my whole being and center my whole life around it. It's saying I'm a bad person for not being able to do such a "simple" [illogical] thing. That, if only my faith were stronger, I could believe. Uhhh...

I know people from various faith backgrounds. Why is Christianity the one true religion? Why is the God of Christianity the God of the universe? I realized more and more that being raised Christian, of course I was going to believe that. Yet, had I been raised Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, I'd have believed that to be the true religion. I have a problem with the idea that our VERY white idea of God is so obviously the God of the universe.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I didn't have tons of time to really reflect on these questions until the past year. I did a good job of pushing them to the back of my mind, ignoring them. Then, Easter Sunday this year came. I had agreed to play piano at a church desperately in need of a fill-in accompanist. Honestly, I needed the money, so I agreed.

My dear mother came along to the service. She was dying to hear me play again and was just as uncomfortable as I was in my old church (for different reasons). The people were generally kind here, and I had a decent time. I had one of the best breakfasts there in my life. When it came time for the sermon, I listened intently. It hit me that every word he said about Jesus, God, and the like, I didn't actually believe in my heart. Perhaps the most freeing part of this was knowing I was perfectly okay with this.

Maybe the God of Christianity is the God of the universe. Maybe it's the Hindu God. Maybe it's the flying spaghetti monster. Or, maybe we're all wrong, and God is nothing like any of us imagine. Maybe He doesn't exist at all.

I feel okay not knowing for sure. Maybe I'll be in this suspended belief my entire life, and I feel wonderful about that. If nothing else, it allows for much better dialogue with others about their beliefs without posing judgments on them.

I've also felt a much greater freedom in how I can go out and accomplish good in the world. This will maybe be hard for many of you to understand, but for me, experiencing freedom from the ties of dogma has been an incredible feeling. I will definitely explain this idea further in another post...but not for a bit. We've had enough heavy posts in a row :)

Expect my world-famous sweet potato fries recipe in my next post!

-QV

Religion part one

I'm admittedly surprised not a lot of people have commented on my short note about religion from my post last night. That could be partially due to it being up for a whole 16 hours and people simply not reading it ("Augh, ANOTHER person thinks he should start a blog? Yeah, right!"). I will say it was up for a grand total of two minutes before I heard my roommate from across the room go, "Um. You're agnostic?"

...By the way, this roomie who I love dearly I'm sure will come up in stories later. I'll need to check with her if I ever want to post stories about her, as some of you know her. For the sake of this blog, we'll call her RC.

Side-note: RC is not just a random choice of letters. RC stands for Rainbow Connection. A long time ago, we talked about how she knows all sorts of gay men and she really should start pairing them up. We even decided that if all else fails in career goals, together we'd start a gay dating service called, naturally, The Rainbow Connection.

Side-side note: I sang "Rainbow Connection" a la Kermit the Frog for her birthday. She cried.

...Anyways...

If I'm being totally honest with myself, some of my questions about faith started permeating my mind back in high school, but I chose to not acknowledge them for fear of being seen as a "bad" Christian. Most of these questions, after all, could be met with the answer of, "Only God knows." 

Let it be known that for anyone outside the faith, that seems like such a cop-out answer, and even in the faith, it was hard for me to accept this.

I didn't dwell too much on the questioning I had in high school much, but college came along, and I faced a whole new set of challenges. Through my first couple years, I finally started to inch (okay, fine. POUR) out of the closet, and attending a Christian college didn't help me here. I'm not saying that I had this awful existence in college. I had (have) tons of friends who are incredibly supportive of me and my life, and I've even met many profs who are fully on board. What I mean here is that because I was both queer and Christian, suddenly I was that face to my friends. I was that mysterious queer person they never knew they knew. I was expected to know everything about every queer person everywhere, especially every queer Christian. Though I liked the spotlight, it became more and more overwhelming. I was only one person; I couldn't be the spokesperson for gay people everywhere.

I did meet some backlash too. I had friends who didn't want to associate much with me anymore. I had friends who simply couldn't deal with it. I had many teary arguments. None of these really happened so much the first year I came out, but since then, it's been a rougher journey. 

Prior to coming out, I spend a lot of time examining scripture, reading verses, studying historical situations, reading essays on both sides of the issue, watching movies, having endless conversations...and came to the conclusion it's okay to be both gay and Christian. It's much harder to convince others of this though. And frankly, some people simply do not want to have their worldviews challenged for fear of being wrong, so they cling on dearly to what they hold to be true and refuse to view anything else.

This never made a lot of sense to me. Doesn't God call Christians to love others and not judge--that it's up to Him to judge? This, along with other inconsistencies in the church ("Let's go change the world...by being comfortable in our own pews with our own people and never actually make any change!") led me to stop attending churches. Each time I was forced to attend was more comfortable than the last. It's hard to sit in a pew and smile when you know if the church really knew all about you, they'd judge you. They'd not be able to deal with you. That, if you weren't single, you couldn't bring your boyfriend/husband/lover to church. Of course there would be those who wouldn't care. I know conservative Christians who support marriage equality AND believe God ordains it. However, the majority of the members of any given church I was in would have hated me. This is hard to digest. After agreeing to play piano for the choir portion of a service at a friend's church, I literally stopped on the way home to buy a cigarillo and then smoke it to calm down. This is coming from someone who detests smoking.

Of course, not everyone reaches the same level of discomfort I did from churches. I readily admit I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I am much more easily affected by small matters than most people. Still. You try going to a place where your very existence is despised and judged and tell me you loved your time there.

So, though I was not attending church, I still considered myself a Christian. I could accomplish good in the world on my own, and I didn't need a church holding me back from that. I also could not have to worry about having alternative views like God loving the gays while receiving backlash. I could just be me.

But, soon, much of that changed. 

Sorry for the length of this post. While typing, I realized how much I really had to say. Plan on a part two tomorrow in which I actually go into my move from Christian to Agnostic.

-QV

Who is QV? What is this blog?

I have a theory: basically everyone currently under the age of 25 or so will probably attempt to start a blog sometime in his or her life. It may be through a class requirement, inspiration by something going on in your mind, or simply wanting to let your friends know what's going on in your life. I even have a friend who uses a personal blog as a public diary of sorts.

I don't expect many (if any) people to read this that aren't a relative or friend of mine. However, in the crazy off-chance someone does, I'll open with a bit about myself.

If I had to describe myself with labels, I'd probably call myself a flaming liberal nonviolent queer agnostic vegetarian. If you know me really well, you may be surprised about A. some of these labels and B. that I used so many, as I tend to try to live my life outside labels. Unfortunately, our society demands them, so I can't escape fully. I don't wish to say that labels are always a bad thing, but by viewing a person simply by the labels we impose upon him or her, we fail to see them as a complete person.


...Let's break those labels down a bit further:

Flaming liberal: I'm a would-be hippy. In a nutshell, I believe all people deserved to be loved and respected,  I want to do what I can to save the environment,and I believe personal choice is a form of freedom. I wish to be the change I see in the world, though sometimes I fail at doing so.

Nonviolent: I never think violence is the answer. I am very anti-war (sorry to my army friends or those who have family-members who have served), and I believe the United States often rushes too quick into a violent solution over things that are simply not their business. I also prefer to use words over fists, and if more people took on an attitude like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr., the world would be a much happier (and safer!) place. I also do not like guns (and yes, I know you can throw whatever statistic at me that says countries with more guns leads to fewer deaths, but I can throw other statistics at you about how compared to other first world countries, we're doing pretty shitty here).

Queer: Many of you may wonder about the word-choice here. Queer is historically a derogatory term towards (generally) homosexual men, and so why would I possibly use it to describe myself? Is it really any better than using "faggot" these days? Queer is becoming more and more acceptable throughout society. With gaining momentum, you're starting to hear more frequently about "queer politics" rather than "gay politics," "queer news" rather than "LGBT news." It is turning around and instead of being the derogatory term it traditionally was, it is becoming a positive, affirmative term. I like it because it tends to be more general than other sexuality terms. I'd define queer as simply "not straight." I have a lot of different attractions to a lot of different types of people, and though I ultimately most-likely see myself married to a man, I don't want to completely rule out other possibilities. It also leaves room for my attraction to those that don't fit the gender binary (i.e. people that identify as neither male nor female. Androgyny is HOT).

Agnostic: I debated whether or not to put this one up here as I'm sure it will come back to bite me. I was raised Christian, went to Christian schools my entire life, and am even graduating from a Christian college in just a few short months (yay, summer classes!). Yet, somewhere along my college journey, I realized I was not really sure of anything. I'm sure there will be a blog post about these thoughts in much more detail later, but for now I'll simply say that I am okay with the idea that maybe I was not created by a master deity. At the same time, maybe I was, but I'm not convinced this god is the God of Christianity.

Vegetarian: I love food, and I always have. Back in my Freshman year of college, I took a philosophy course that really opened my eyes on the state of the meat industry in the United States. I also took a biology course that showed me the state of the food industry in general (our reliance and addiction to corn in its many forms, for example). I kept all these feelings inside for a while, but about a couple months ago, I was kicked in the gut when talking to a biologist friend of mine. She was being her usual passionate-self about the environment and food, and I was heartily agreeing with her. She quipped back, "You don't actually care about the environment." The perception that I didn't care wasn't too far from how I was behaving at the time, so I've really started to kick it into gear. Vegetarianism was the natural first step for me. I've been eating that way for 37 days to date. Again, there will be a longer post on this decision (and subsequent decisions) later.

...Oh, and I'm also a music teacher.


So, that's me in a nutshell. In this blog I hope to write about issues that are important to me. They may be ramblings about what it's like to be queer in contemporary society and the politics surround it, or maybe they'll be about my challenges and successes as a vegetarian. I'll probably write about the environment at some point, healthy eating, religion, morality... you name it. Interspersed throughout all of this, I hope to write up some of my recipes. I'm an avid cook, and I love teaching people how to make things. I come up with mostly my own recipes, though typically these are based on other recipes with my own modifications. I'll explain this process as I upload them.

-QV