Recent happenings

In case you're not already sick of seeing updates on Prop 8 and DOMA (hey, give me some credit! I waited a few days), I decided to write a blog post :P That being said, my post is not aimed at educating about its implications. Instead, I'm writing my reactions. I'd recommend having a pretty good understanding about the recent decisions from the Supreme Court before reading this post for it to fully make sense. I recommend checking out the Human Rights Campaign website to learn more.

Here's how it all happened:

8:00am: Cute text sent to boyfriend wishing him a happy morning. Gotta make sure he's cared for.
8:30am: Class begins. Discussion over last night's reading. Boring material.
9:00am: Discover text from boyfriend: "Supreme Court is announcing this morning." Phone turned back off. Anxious squirms.
10:00am: Class leaves for break, due back at 10:30. Phone immediately back on. Can't stand still.
10:08am: See phone, get updates about DOMA. Begin conversation of short, rapid texts that are hard to follow.
10:15am: Run to computer for clarification of texts.
10:28am: Prop 8 ruling.
10:30am: Back to class. Announcement to no one in particular about ruling. Prof cheers.

Needless to say, I was bouncing up and down the rest of the class. What I really wanted to do was go start a song and dance number about it... but, unfortunately, life is not a musical in which all people know the words to the song I'm making up on the spot.

No more DOMA, I thought, Our country is finally moving in a positive direction here. With these recent rulings means a much more expedited process for the future. These rulings pave the path for the future. Maybe I'll actually be able to get married in the state I'll be living in.

I hopped on Facebook later. Many of you have probably already seen the image George Takei posted, but it's just so relevant:

"When I checked FB again this morning..."

It was overwhelming the support I saw on Facebook, and not even just from fellow LGBTQ friends. I've noticed recently that I don't actually have very many conservative friends, and most of the ones who self-identify as conservative-leaning politically treat marriage equality liberally. That is not to say all of my friends are this way. But, as bad as it sounds, most of them have learned to keep their mouth shut about this issue around me (whether it be because I'll actually fight back--STRONG--or because they're afraid their opinions will hurt me, I'm not entirely sure).

For me, the announcements were a long-awaited gay Christmas. It was everything I didn't get at Pride this year and then some. I find it wonderful that these decisions were made in June--the month designated for queer pride.

I can't wait for the future. As a queer man, there's a pretty bright outlook. There will always be religious bigots that do not find it to be acceptable, and that's something all queers have to become resilient against, especially if, like me, they grew up in a Christian (or other religious) home. But, it's a pretty big deal that our government is starting to take the necessary steps to fully recognize us. 

Guess what? We're not a nation of conservative straight white Christian men. We're a nation of Christian, Jew, Atheist, and Agnostic; we're a nation of straight, bi, gay, and queer; we're a nation of white, black, Latino, and Asian. Let's start treating it like that.

-QV

P.S. I'm not purposely omitting subgroups from my lists. I know we're more than just the religions, sexualities, and nationalities I listed.

Pride pt. II

I promise the next post will be a recipe! I've just been low on food with no real desire to go shopping lately.

In my last post concerning pride, I mostly wrote about the let-down that was pride fest this year (or, at least what I saw of it). What I did not talk about was the parade.

See, as I mentioned, last year I was in Chicago for their festivities and parade. Unfortunately, I didn't plan things out enough in advance to make it work this year, and Chicago decided to throw it's festivals and parade on different weekends, AND I'm just starting summer classes... so I won't be down there.

The parade in Chicago was still fairly tame compared to what you might see in San Francisco. There were man groups represented there: small businesses, bars, advocacy groups, and even churches. Of course, being a pride parade, you had some scantily clad men (and women!), especially on the floats representing the Boytown clubs, but for the most part it was a very family friendly event. This was slightly surprising to me, as the media always tends to emphasize the sexual side of it, using it as yet another argument against LGBTQ persons.

I actually got questions along these lines a lot when I was first coming out: "Why are pride parades all about men in g-strings and exorbitant amounts of rainbows?" That's the sort of thing a newly-out queer guy doesn't quite know how to answer, but I'm going to do my best to tackle a bit of it here in this post. Please remember, these are my thoughts, and many other queer people would disagree with me.

First of all, the parades are NOT about those things. Pride parades exist as a celebration of freedom, of breaking free. For too long, the LGBTQ community has hid in shadows, and that does real damage on one's soul and self-esteem. Once a year, we're allowed to step forward to the surface, celebrate together, and really be ourselves.

Imagine in this way: say you had a Romeo and Juliet relationship in that you always had to hide your feelings toward that person, and nobody could ever see you together. Then, once a year, you were allowed to be with that person out in public. Would you not take their hand, scream to the rooftops, and fully enjoy that day?

Some people take that to a bit of an extreme. I personally don't find it appropriate to wear less in a pride parade than you normally would in public. I'm not saying I don't enjoy it when I see it (hey, I gotta be honest!), but it still bothers me. We're asking for our equality and trying to promote how we're not any different than anyone else, that for most of us, we have the same draw toward forming families and have the same moral values...and then a few go against the grain and show quite the opposite. The media sees those few, latches onto them, and uses it against us. Lovely.

That being said, how is it any different for straight people? Think of festivals like Lollapalooza. Does this not spark images of women in revealing outfits, sex and drugs done in public, and alcohol everywhere? Many conservatives will get all up in arms, claiming queer people are all driven by sex, yet why do they turn a blind eye to their own clubs and hook-up culture in general? If two men sleep together on a first date, it's used as evidence that queers are sex-driven, family-breaking maniacs. If a man and a women go home together from the club and hook-up, it's seen as the way society works. Hello, double-standard.

A man walking down the street in his underwear is miles from this.

That being said, I wish more big pride festivals and parades were family-oriented. They should be a safe place for people of all ages, not perpetuating the idea that a child can't understand homosexuality until he or she is of a certain age.

West MI Pride in former years (and probably this year too, if only I was there early enough) does exactly this. They even have a kids booth! This year was the first ever West MI Pride parade, as well. Though it only lasted 20 minutes, it was a safe place for absolutely anyone to be. These are the sorts of things we need to do if we want to bring about equality faster. These are the sorts of values we need to do a better job demonstrating, the reasons we'll win the more conservative people over.

-QV

Hands

*Disclaimer: this post is a long story full of gushing, excitement, and cheese. Read at your own risk.*

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten comments in person about my vivid storytelling techniques. I LOVE talking about what's going on in my life, especially when exciting things happen. I'm not sure if I'm interesting to listen to via blog posts since my hands and face are a large part what makes me so animated, but nonetheless, I try.

Several times already in my life, I've found myself in relationships right around one of our birthdays. As if coming up with birthday ideas isn't hard enough, there's the added awkwardness of what to get your significant other.

Side-note: my high school girlfriend bought me a Rubik's cube for my birthday, which fell exactly a week after we started dating. It was cute, inexpensive, and already significant in our relationship (I taught her how to solve one).

What happens when you get into a relationship with a guy long-distance, notice on Facebook his birthday is coming up, go out to visit him the day before his birthday, and forget until he mentions what he's doing the next day? #1. You feel like an idiot for not remembering that right away and planning something cute for him. #2. You call him on the ride home precisely at midnight to wish him a happy birthday. #3. You write a blog post.

That's right, folks. My boyfriend is 22 today. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, being 22 is "miserable and magical, oh yeah." I don't know about miserable, but I hope he's feeling pretty magical right now, or at least will be by the end of this post.

I've only gotten the chance to tell a few friends the story of how we met and how we started dating officially. So, hey, in case you're wondering... here goes:

*Edit: I thought I'd tell the whole story, instead you get the story of the first date. I didn't realize how long it'd be until I finished typing :)*

Once upon a time, QV was overwhelmed with the idea of trying to find a boyfriend. After all, in QV's society, you couldn't just randomly go up to a guy and ask if he was queer; you might get punched. He wasn't interested in any of his queer friends, so he decided to join a free online dating site.

Aaaaaand switching out of the 3rd person. I feel like that might get annoying after a while.

Scrolling through profile after profile and seeing nothing too exciting is somewhat disheartening. That's what that site mainly did. Note to friends: don't visit an online dating site when you're lonely.

I hadn't been on there in a while, but one day I decided to log in and see if anybody new was there. I clicked on Quickmatch and began perusing profiles recommended for me (which... seriously, how do those algorithms work!?). Boring... crazy... only wants sex... lives in Ontario... It was pretty average, until...

There he was. The most mysterious guy I'd ever seen on there. I'll admit I looked through his pictures immediately before checking out his profile. Let it be known that I do not care so much about looks--but it felt like his eyes were gazing into my soul, so I had to see more.

I started looking at his profile. He lives on the other side of the state, has a dog, eats vegan, loves animals, wants to be a vet... all wonderful qualities in my mind. I decide to give it a go and send potentially one of the most awkward messages known to mankind:

"Hello! I read through your profile and some of your questions, and it seems like we've got some pretty similar views on things. I eat vegetarian (leaning towards veganism) and also identify as agnostic.

Read through my profile if you've got time and learn a bit about me :) I'd love to talk more if you're up for it!

-QV"

Smooth. Gotta impress him with my dietary habits and religious leanings, because obviously those are the most important things a guy is looking for.

He responded though. Messaging quickly moved to texting, and texting led to setting up a first date. We would meet in a city halfway between us for coffee, and if that went well, a walk. And with that, off we were.

I tend to over-think things when I'm nervous. I spent way too long trying to decide on a outfit that was both casual and cute for that first date. Guess what? I already forget what I was wearing.

Because of that, though, I was running a bit behind. Then, I hit construction and was even more behind. I texted him from the gas station telling him I was going to be a bit later than expected...then pulled over again later to tell him I was going to be even later. He got there twenty minutes before I did, and I felt awful for making him wait.

So, I get there, and I see him standing there. He looks really awkward and nervous, but definitely not angry at me for being late. PHEW. I make awkward small talk while ordering my coffee and curse myself for letting him get there before me and already have ordered and paid for his own drink, but I try not to let that get to me. We sit down at a table, seats next to each other, rather than across.

It's our first time meeting in person and really the first time hearing each other's voices. It's so awkward. We find things to talk about, which mainly centered around his research and theories. I become a little scared to talk since I probably sound like an idiot next to his eloquent speaking. So, I listen.

What I hear coming from his mouth are not just the words he's speaking. I hear passion. Fire. Struggle.  Creativity. I hear the words of someone so invested in what he does. I take a mental note that he, like myself, tends to get louder and louder the more excited he is about something, and also, like myself, begins to talk faster and faster. Adorable.

I was worried because I hadn't said much (and when I did, it came out like a blubbering fool), he would want to end the date as soon as our coffee was finished, but he was the first to bring it up: "Well, do you want to head to the park?" "Yes! Yes!"

So, we did. Neither of us knew the park, and he got lost and called me on the way. Note to everyone: it's pretty hard to give directions to somewhere you've never been before in a city you're unfamiliar with. Somehow, we both made it.

On our walk, we talked about life, love, family, friends, religion, animals... virtually anything you can think of. Somewhere along the way, we had a movie-moment where our hands accidentally brushed. He was the first to grab it. I'm the kind of person who is big on physical touch, so this for me was a pretty big moment. I could feel his heart pounding faster in his wrist, so I like to think it was pretty big for him too.

Now, bear with me a moment as I expose to the world how ridiculously strange I am. The moment his fingers intertwined with mine, I noticed a few things: #1. Our hands fit perfectly into each other and #2. The position that we naturally went into was the most natural hand-holding position for me.

(Actually, that's a lie. That was not what I thought the moment his fingers intertwined with mine. What really happened was that my brain went "OH MY GOSH HE'S HOLDING MY HAND!! AHH!! Okay. Deep breath. Don't freak out. Enjoy the moment. See how great it feels? OH GOSH, DON'T START SWEATING LIKE CRAZY. NO GUY WANTS TO DATE A GUY WITH CLAMMY HANDS." Only after I got through those thoughts did my brain to go checking to see if we were comfortable.)

Hand-compatibility: it's something I think about it. When you're holding hands with another person, several things can serve to make either and enjoyable experience or an extremely awkward experience. #1. Do you go over or under with your wrist? #2. Do your respective hand-sizes work well together? #3. Whose thumb goes on top? and #4. Are you the same on both sides?

I have hands that naturally fall into different positions on both sides, so it's actually slightly difficult for me to find someone that I'm HC (hand-compatible) with on both sides. The first hand we tried (my right, his left) was perfect. Positions comfortable, sizes match... cool!

But, see, you remember I said I'm ridiculously strange, right? Well, at one point, we took a seat on a bench and talked there for a while. Because I needed to know, I made sure I ended up on the other side of him when we stood back up in order to check that hand. Yup.

... For reference, we're perfect on that side too.

We eventually made it back to our cars after getting lost in the woods for a while, had a hug goodbye, and went our separate ways. Two dates later, we decided to call it official, and five days later here we are.

I greatly look forward to seeing where this relationship goes. Right now, I'm just enjoying each step of our journey, and love getting to know him better day by day, even if that means taking a moment to register when his birthday is.

Readers (other than Boyfriend), if you made it this far, I applaud you. I'm actually curious if any of you found this post enjoyable :P

Boyfriend, I wish you a very, very happy birthday :) I'm sorry I can't be there in person today, but I cannot wait until the next time I see you.

-QV

Pride

Side-note before the post actually begins: I know I have not posted a recipe in a while. Does anyone have a specific request of something I've fed them or talked about making?

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It's June, which to a queer man like me is basically Christmas over and over again. It's the month of Pride celebrations. Last year, I went to three different prides, including making a journey down to Chicago for their  celebration and parade. I've got a friend down there I can stay with, and it just so happened that the Pride parade fell on her birthday. We joked that the parade was thrown for her, and what an amazing birthday it must have been for an amazing gay woman (she once explained to me that she preferred to be called gay rather than lesbian, as gay is an adjective, where lesbian is [often] a noun)  in my life.

This year, I made it to the pride festival in Grand Rapids. Unlike previous years, where the festival was out in the buoys in a park in the middle of nowhere, this year they had it right in the heart of downtown. This was to celebrate the 25th anniversary, as well as a result of a different sponsor putting it all together. I was extremely eager to go, especially newly being in a relationship, and I was even more excited about the fact that it was downtown.

Long story short: the schedule was not made clear anywhere (except in a booklet you could get at the festival itself, but they ran out before we arrived), and the festival itself--at least what I saw of it--was sub-par. Typically, the schedule would be posted online a few days before the festival, and you could plan out what groups you'd go to see perform. There were also usually tons of booths from various organizations in the area, some with information about what they do, some selling artwork or jewelry, but all filled with wonderfully talkative people.

They took the booths down at 7. My boyfriend and I arrived at 7:20. So much for me showing off how amazing West MI Pride is.

I admittedly have a bit of a skewed view of festival this year simply because I didn't see it at its peak earlier on in the day. Regardless, to me, it felt like going to Thanksgiving only to find out no one brought pumpkin pie.

THAT BEING SAID...

I am overjoyed that it was able to take place downtown. I hope this tradition continues. It was pretty damn awesome not having to feel like we were hiding off in a park somewhere where no one would accidentally see what's going on.

-QV

Fast food

As a young 20s guy, freshly out (almost) of college, I have many vegan and vegetarian friends. Because of this, I don't have to do a lot of hunting to find interesting articles about what's going on in the world related to those issues; I simply have to scroll through my Facebook news feed.

This morning, a friend of mine posted something that immediately caught my eye. In Bolivia, McDonalds tried to establish itself. It was immediately met with rejection by many of the locals, and distrust from many others. According to the article, "Bolivians simply don't trust food prepared in such little time." Additionally, the people were able to resist the golden arches due to knowing financially it did not make any sense. McDonalds tried to gain momentum there, but after a decade of yearly losses, they left. Read the full article here.

As an American--and it pains me to admit it--I'm very time-oriented. I work best with a schedule, and when I'm most stressed, I often spend time planning out my next few hours down to the very minute ("Okay, from 7:04-7:28, I'll write my reflection for seminar... from 7:28-7:52 I'll study music history... from 7:52-7:54, I can take a bathroom break.").

Though I doubt most people become as extreme as I do with time, there's no doubt American culture revolves around it. Think about it: let's say you were meeting a friend for coffee at 7 pm. You arrive there, likely at 7:00 or 7:01. You're waiting patiently, knowing your friend will be there any second. 7:05 comes around, and you start to wonder if maybe she is just running a bit late, and you double-check your phone to see if maybe she contacted you. Nope. 7:10 rolls around. "I really hope she's okay," you start thinking, "Was she in an accident? No. Couldn't be. But maybe..." So, you resolve to call her at 7:15. She arrives at 7:12 looking quite flustered and apologizes profusely for being extremely late. You enjoy your coffee together, ad at the end of your time together, she apologies again for being late. All for twelve minutes.

...Twelve minutes in the context of a whole 24 hour day is not very long.

To prepare a wonderful meal often takes a good deal of time. That's where fast food steps in. You can get a hot, filling meal in mere seconds. Add in the fact that they're everywhere, and you've got an equation that leads to instant profit for those restaurants.

Rather than fully close this post off with what I think, I'd like to instead ask a few questions: What happened to our culture that led us to become to dependent on each second of our time? Why are we not willing to spend our time in the kitchen? Why do so many Americans not know how to prepare anything besides peanut butter toast and pasta, unless it involves a microwave?

-QV

Why I hate gay marriage

I hate "gay marriage." I don't like it one bit.

... What!?

Okay, but in all seriousness, you'll notice I put those words in quotations. My issue does not lie in the concept of gay people marrying (I mean, come on, I do hope to have a husband some day, after all), but lies in the phrasing we use when talking about it. I give partial credit to my roommate, RC, for bringing this to my attention many months ago. It was something that, at the time, I couldn't quite articulate my problem with. Her explanation made it so clear:

"I hate how we call it 'gay marriage.' As a straight woman, when I'm married, I'm just going to be married, not 'in a heterosexual marriage.' The same goes for gay people."

This is paraphrased, but it's so very true. While fighting for (or even demanding) our equality, we are using language that separates us, language that makes us "the other." We're saying on the surface that we want the same right to marry just as any opposite-sex couple has, but we're using language that makes this marriage out to be something completely different.

What I want is something not any different from my friends who got married six months ago. I want to be able to stand up in front of everyone, announce my love and commitment to the man I'm marrying, and have a small party afterwards. I want to be able to have this recognized by the government and receive the benefits of marriage. I want to grow old with my husband and remind the world that love comes in many different forms.

I choose to use the phrasing "marriage equality." In such a divisive battle, why choose to use language that divides us even further?

-QV

Successes

After my last two not-so-happy blog entries, I wanted to make sure I put up a happier one. This is not to make the last two less legitimate; my struggles were wholly true. Instead, it's more to balance the struggles with the successes. It's written in the same stream-of-conscious style.

Without further ado... my successes:

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It's nice when someone asks questions, longing to know more. It's nice when someone asks me about my desires for the future. It's nice when someone talks to me about my relationships with guys as if it is nothing out of the ordinary.

It's easy when I talk to someone new and  casually omit pronouns, and she picks up on it and does so back to me. It's easy when it's confirmed with only a look, and proper pronouns are then utilized. It's easy when this is done so discretely, I do not need to have a big coming out moment.

It's fun when my girlfriends are talking about cute guys, and I can jump right in. It's fun when that hot cross-country runner jogs by, shimmering on a warm, spring day, and it's fun when we all squeal with delight. It's fun when none of them look at me weird for joining in.

It's touching when I see him struggling to accept himself, when I give him a look, and when he realizes he's not alone. It's touching because I was there too. It's touching because I know he'll be okay.

It's awesome when my friend tells me, excitedly, that she told her parents adamantly she is for gay marriage. It's awesome when a friend quietly apologizes for reacting poorly when I first came out, and it's even more awesome when she goes on to explain she believes in equal rights. It's awesome when my boss buys me coffee simply for being who I am and being a strong person.

It's beautiful when that shy boy comes up to me and comes out for the very first time. It's beautiful when that shy girl comes up to me and comes out for the very first time.

It's remarkable when my camp crush from another state was the first one to introduce me to gay issues, and had she not fought to stay in contact with me in the years that followed, she might have never known how far along I've come in my own journey. It's remarkable how she called or texted me each time she'd be around my town, and we'd always meet up. It's remarkable when she continues to offer me support, even currently from the other side of the world. It's remarkable how we met nearly nine years ago.

It's the best feeling in the world when someone makes a rude or bigoted commented, and before I  can open my mouth, he's there, halfway already through his first sentence. It's the best feeling in the world when someone asks your friend how they feel about LGBTQ rights and instead of responding, "I'm still struggling to figure them out... " she responds, "I believe everyone deserves to love and marry, regardless of sexual orientation." It's the best feeling in the world when one friend asks, "But... what about the Bible?" and the other friend responds, "I believe the Bible has been misused and misquoted throughout history, and people tend to twist it to their own purposes. I believe Jesus preached a message of love and acceptance, not of fear and intolerance." It's the best feeling in the world when I didn't put those words in her mouth, but they line up exactly with what I've thought for years.

-QV 

Judgment

Here's the scenario: I'm out to dinner and drinks with two friends. Friend A is pretty liberal, Christian, and would vote yes for marriage equality because we're a nation of more than just Christian values, but personally does not believe it is the right way to live one's life. Friend B is even more liberal, Christian, and totally okay with marriage equality.

This is a pretty typical group dynamic for me to be around, so this scenario (which actually happened) could be replicated any number of times.

Friend A: On the way here, QV said I judge him. What the heck?

Friend B: QV, uh, what?! How could you say that? She loves everybody.

Friend A: Yeah! Just because I don't agree with it doesn't mean I'm going to impose judgment upon you!

Begin cycle of attacking QV, who tries to defend himself but is feeling more and more defeated, and feeling the affects of alcohol, his cognitive processes are functioning at 90% in a conversation they need to be working at 150%. It was not pretty. I half-won Friend A over with a half-assed "Put yourself in my shoes and see how it feels" argument, but it didn't last long. I eventually just asked them to stop, told them I was feeling attacked, and requested we change topics.

...I was pretty quiet the rest of the night.

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Can we please stop using the argument, "I'm not judging you; I just don't think it's right. I don't have to agree with everything you do, and that's not judgment"? The very definition of judge is "to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically" (thanks, dictionary.com!). "I don't think it's right" sounds an awful lot like a formed-opinion.

Friend A (as well as any friends who think similarly), I hope you're reading this. I am in no way saying you think less of me. That's not what I mean by judging me (though, for some people, it sadly does). I'm also not saying you're telling me to change. But to fundamentally believe one of the key aspects of my existence (who I fall in love with, who I date, who I marry) is wrong, a sin, or against God (pick your favorite) hurts me to my very core. 

I spent years struggling over what it meant to be queer and Christian. Though I don't identify as one of those two anymore, I still believe many Christians grossly misinterpret the Bible to say things it's not actually saying. They also try to read it in our present culture rather than see the culture it was written in.

To everyone: it's easy for me to grin and bear it when I hear over and over again, "I'll always love you and support you" (okay... awesome... cool... yes!!) "...BUT I don't believe it's right" (*cue heart shattering into a tiny million pieces). It feels like you're telling me, "Okay, yeah, of course you can be you. No one's stopping you. And I'll even go along with it. But, deep-down... I actually think you're making the biggest mistake ever."

"My friend smokes pot, and I don't agree with that or think it's right, but I just figure, 'Hey, he can live his life and make his own decisions.' Is that judgment?" YES. YES IT IS. Even though you let him do what he wants, you thinking he needs to straighten up and live his life more like how you live yours is judgment. Also, now my love-life is compared to illegal (as of now in my state) drugs? Thanks.

"Aren't you doing the same thing to me? Judging me for not believing what you think is right? Are you seriously saying that I have to believe everything you think?" To the last sentence: no, of course not. To the first two: that's a valid point. If I'm to fully follow through with what I believe judging to be, I suppose I am judging you for not agreeing with me here. There's a key difference though: You holding any opinion on LGBTQ issues does not affect your personal life in any way, but it does affect mine. I'm going to be me no matter what, but it still hurts when friends show support only on the surface.

-QV

Struggles

*Disclaimer: these are my own personal thoughts and do not reflect the journey of any other queer person. These all came out stream-of-conscious style*

When I first came out, I always said I had the easiest experience anyone has ever had with doing so. This wasn't far from the truth: my family (generally) responded well, my friends (for the most part) responded well, heck, even my girlfriend responded well. That, in combination with my generally confident behavior made for an easy time.

Fast-forward a few years...

Being queer is hard. 

It's hard because people assume that because it's more and more accepted these days, that means it's not hard to be queer. It's hard because people assume what I say about my own experience is the same as anybody else's experience. It's hard because people assume my happy demeanor  means I have no struggles.

It's hard because I say one thing in response to a question one day, and then a month later I realize that's not the best way of answering it, so I try to explain again, but then just sound like I'm constantly changing my mind.

It's hard because I get riled up easily. It's hard because I am passionate. It's hard because I want to be the front running for queer rights. It's hard because that's on my mind a lot, and it's hard because I like to talk about it. It's hard because "Look, I'm okay with you being gay and all, but do you have to talk about it all the time?"

It's hard because every time she mentions her boyfriend, her current lover, her crush, her attractions, her family, herself... Look, I'm okay with you being straight and all, but do you have to talk about it all the time?

It's hard because we're everywhere and it's hard because we're nowhere. It's hard because the invisibility is crushing, so you overcompensate by being as loud and proud as you can. It's hard because it's Pride Month, and you never want the festivities to end.

It's hard because the media represents us in a stereotypical fashion. It's hard when we fit those stereotypes. It's hard when people complain about there being an abnormally high number of LGBTQ high school students in Glee when I know this number is not abnormally high at all. It's hard because I find Will & Grace funny.

It's hard because many of my friends will not be attending my wedding. It's hard because my best friend is uncertain whether she'd come to my wedding. It's hard because my dad will not be at my wedding. It's hard because I'll be hurting at my wedding. It's hard because I may never have a wedding. 

It's hard because I can't just simply go up to the person I'm interested in and flirt with him. It's hard because I'm a flirty person. It's hard because I can't just ask someone straight up about their sexuality. It's hard because I have a lot of love to give.

It's hard because queer men are awful to each other. It's hard because "masculine," "straight-acting," "no fatties," "no queens," "I only like white men." 

It's hard because we protest, we beg, we scream, we deserve our rights. It's hard because we celebrate the first openly gay senator and then find each tiny little flaw in her until she is nothing. It's hard because we're overjoyed a president has the common sense to say we deserve our rights. It's hard because this attitude should be the norm. It's hard because it's not.

-QV