Pride

Side-note before the post actually begins: I know I have not posted a recipe in a while. Does anyone have a specific request of something I've fed them or talked about making?

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It's June, which to a queer man like me is basically Christmas over and over again. It's the month of Pride celebrations. Last year, I went to three different prides, including making a journey down to Chicago for their  celebration and parade. I've got a friend down there I can stay with, and it just so happened that the Pride parade fell on her birthday. We joked that the parade was thrown for her, and what an amazing birthday it must have been for an amazing gay woman (she once explained to me that she preferred to be called gay rather than lesbian, as gay is an adjective, where lesbian is [often] a noun)  in my life.

This year, I made it to the pride festival in Grand Rapids. Unlike previous years, where the festival was out in the buoys in a park in the middle of nowhere, this year they had it right in the heart of downtown. This was to celebrate the 25th anniversary, as well as a result of a different sponsor putting it all together. I was extremely eager to go, especially newly being in a relationship, and I was even more excited about the fact that it was downtown.

Long story short: the schedule was not made clear anywhere (except in a booklet you could get at the festival itself, but they ran out before we arrived), and the festival itself--at least what I saw of it--was sub-par. Typically, the schedule would be posted online a few days before the festival, and you could plan out what groups you'd go to see perform. There were also usually tons of booths from various organizations in the area, some with information about what they do, some selling artwork or jewelry, but all filled with wonderfully talkative people.

They took the booths down at 7. My boyfriend and I arrived at 7:20. So much for me showing off how amazing West MI Pride is.

I admittedly have a bit of a skewed view of festival this year simply because I didn't see it at its peak earlier on in the day. Regardless, to me, it felt like going to Thanksgiving only to find out no one brought pumpkin pie.

THAT BEING SAID...

I am overjoyed that it was able to take place downtown. I hope this tradition continues. It was pretty damn awesome not having to feel like we were hiding off in a park somewhere where no one would accidentally see what's going on.

-QV

Fast food

As a young 20s guy, freshly out (almost) of college, I have many vegan and vegetarian friends. Because of this, I don't have to do a lot of hunting to find interesting articles about what's going on in the world related to those issues; I simply have to scroll through my Facebook news feed.

This morning, a friend of mine posted something that immediately caught my eye. In Bolivia, McDonalds tried to establish itself. It was immediately met with rejection by many of the locals, and distrust from many others. According to the article, "Bolivians simply don't trust food prepared in such little time." Additionally, the people were able to resist the golden arches due to knowing financially it did not make any sense. McDonalds tried to gain momentum there, but after a decade of yearly losses, they left. Read the full article here.

As an American--and it pains me to admit it--I'm very time-oriented. I work best with a schedule, and when I'm most stressed, I often spend time planning out my next few hours down to the very minute ("Okay, from 7:04-7:28, I'll write my reflection for seminar... from 7:28-7:52 I'll study music history... from 7:52-7:54, I can take a bathroom break.").

Though I doubt most people become as extreme as I do with time, there's no doubt American culture revolves around it. Think about it: let's say you were meeting a friend for coffee at 7 pm. You arrive there, likely at 7:00 or 7:01. You're waiting patiently, knowing your friend will be there any second. 7:05 comes around, and you start to wonder if maybe she is just running a bit late, and you double-check your phone to see if maybe she contacted you. Nope. 7:10 rolls around. "I really hope she's okay," you start thinking, "Was she in an accident? No. Couldn't be. But maybe..." So, you resolve to call her at 7:15. She arrives at 7:12 looking quite flustered and apologizes profusely for being extremely late. You enjoy your coffee together, ad at the end of your time together, she apologies again for being late. All for twelve minutes.

...Twelve minutes in the context of a whole 24 hour day is not very long.

To prepare a wonderful meal often takes a good deal of time. That's where fast food steps in. You can get a hot, filling meal in mere seconds. Add in the fact that they're everywhere, and you've got an equation that leads to instant profit for those restaurants.

Rather than fully close this post off with what I think, I'd like to instead ask a few questions: What happened to our culture that led us to become to dependent on each second of our time? Why are we not willing to spend our time in the kitchen? Why do so many Americans not know how to prepare anything besides peanut butter toast and pasta, unless it involves a microwave?

-QV

Why I hate gay marriage

I hate "gay marriage." I don't like it one bit.

... What!?

Okay, but in all seriousness, you'll notice I put those words in quotations. My issue does not lie in the concept of gay people marrying (I mean, come on, I do hope to have a husband some day, after all), but lies in the phrasing we use when talking about it. I give partial credit to my roommate, RC, for bringing this to my attention many months ago. It was something that, at the time, I couldn't quite articulate my problem with. Her explanation made it so clear:

"I hate how we call it 'gay marriage.' As a straight woman, when I'm married, I'm just going to be married, not 'in a heterosexual marriage.' The same goes for gay people."

This is paraphrased, but it's so very true. While fighting for (or even demanding) our equality, we are using language that separates us, language that makes us "the other." We're saying on the surface that we want the same right to marry just as any opposite-sex couple has, but we're using language that makes this marriage out to be something completely different.

What I want is something not any different from my friends who got married six months ago. I want to be able to stand up in front of everyone, announce my love and commitment to the man I'm marrying, and have a small party afterwards. I want to be able to have this recognized by the government and receive the benefits of marriage. I want to grow old with my husband and remind the world that love comes in many different forms.

I choose to use the phrasing "marriage equality." In such a divisive battle, why choose to use language that divides us even further?

-QV

Successes

After my last two not-so-happy blog entries, I wanted to make sure I put up a happier one. This is not to make the last two less legitimate; my struggles were wholly true. Instead, it's more to balance the struggles with the successes. It's written in the same stream-of-conscious style.

Without further ado... my successes:

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It's nice when someone asks questions, longing to know more. It's nice when someone asks me about my desires for the future. It's nice when someone talks to me about my relationships with guys as if it is nothing out of the ordinary.

It's easy when I talk to someone new and  casually omit pronouns, and she picks up on it and does so back to me. It's easy when it's confirmed with only a look, and proper pronouns are then utilized. It's easy when this is done so discretely, I do not need to have a big coming out moment.

It's fun when my girlfriends are talking about cute guys, and I can jump right in. It's fun when that hot cross-country runner jogs by, shimmering on a warm, spring day, and it's fun when we all squeal with delight. It's fun when none of them look at me weird for joining in.

It's touching when I see him struggling to accept himself, when I give him a look, and when he realizes he's not alone. It's touching because I was there too. It's touching because I know he'll be okay.

It's awesome when my friend tells me, excitedly, that she told her parents adamantly she is for gay marriage. It's awesome when a friend quietly apologizes for reacting poorly when I first came out, and it's even more awesome when she goes on to explain she believes in equal rights. It's awesome when my boss buys me coffee simply for being who I am and being a strong person.

It's beautiful when that shy boy comes up to me and comes out for the very first time. It's beautiful when that shy girl comes up to me and comes out for the very first time.

It's remarkable when my camp crush from another state was the first one to introduce me to gay issues, and had she not fought to stay in contact with me in the years that followed, she might have never known how far along I've come in my own journey. It's remarkable how she called or texted me each time she'd be around my town, and we'd always meet up. It's remarkable when she continues to offer me support, even currently from the other side of the world. It's remarkable how we met nearly nine years ago.

It's the best feeling in the world when someone makes a rude or bigoted commented, and before I  can open my mouth, he's there, halfway already through his first sentence. It's the best feeling in the world when someone asks your friend how they feel about LGBTQ rights and instead of responding, "I'm still struggling to figure them out... " she responds, "I believe everyone deserves to love and marry, regardless of sexual orientation." It's the best feeling in the world when one friend asks, "But... what about the Bible?" and the other friend responds, "I believe the Bible has been misused and misquoted throughout history, and people tend to twist it to their own purposes. I believe Jesus preached a message of love and acceptance, not of fear and intolerance." It's the best feeling in the world when I didn't put those words in her mouth, but they line up exactly with what I've thought for years.

-QV 

Judgment

Here's the scenario: I'm out to dinner and drinks with two friends. Friend A is pretty liberal, Christian, and would vote yes for marriage equality because we're a nation of more than just Christian values, but personally does not believe it is the right way to live one's life. Friend B is even more liberal, Christian, and totally okay with marriage equality.

This is a pretty typical group dynamic for me to be around, so this scenario (which actually happened) could be replicated any number of times.

Friend A: On the way here, QV said I judge him. What the heck?

Friend B: QV, uh, what?! How could you say that? She loves everybody.

Friend A: Yeah! Just because I don't agree with it doesn't mean I'm going to impose judgment upon you!

Begin cycle of attacking QV, who tries to defend himself but is feeling more and more defeated, and feeling the affects of alcohol, his cognitive processes are functioning at 90% in a conversation they need to be working at 150%. It was not pretty. I half-won Friend A over with a half-assed "Put yourself in my shoes and see how it feels" argument, but it didn't last long. I eventually just asked them to stop, told them I was feeling attacked, and requested we change topics.

...I was pretty quiet the rest of the night.

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Can we please stop using the argument, "I'm not judging you; I just don't think it's right. I don't have to agree with everything you do, and that's not judgment"? The very definition of judge is "to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically" (thanks, dictionary.com!). "I don't think it's right" sounds an awful lot like a formed-opinion.

Friend A (as well as any friends who think similarly), I hope you're reading this. I am in no way saying you think less of me. That's not what I mean by judging me (though, for some people, it sadly does). I'm also not saying you're telling me to change. But to fundamentally believe one of the key aspects of my existence (who I fall in love with, who I date, who I marry) is wrong, a sin, or against God (pick your favorite) hurts me to my very core. 

I spent years struggling over what it meant to be queer and Christian. Though I don't identify as one of those two anymore, I still believe many Christians grossly misinterpret the Bible to say things it's not actually saying. They also try to read it in our present culture rather than see the culture it was written in.

To everyone: it's easy for me to grin and bear it when I hear over and over again, "I'll always love you and support you" (okay... awesome... cool... yes!!) "...BUT I don't believe it's right" (*cue heart shattering into a tiny million pieces). It feels like you're telling me, "Okay, yeah, of course you can be you. No one's stopping you. And I'll even go along with it. But, deep-down... I actually think you're making the biggest mistake ever."

"My friend smokes pot, and I don't agree with that or think it's right, but I just figure, 'Hey, he can live his life and make his own decisions.' Is that judgment?" YES. YES IT IS. Even though you let him do what he wants, you thinking he needs to straighten up and live his life more like how you live yours is judgment. Also, now my love-life is compared to illegal (as of now in my state) drugs? Thanks.

"Aren't you doing the same thing to me? Judging me for not believing what you think is right? Are you seriously saying that I have to believe everything you think?" To the last sentence: no, of course not. To the first two: that's a valid point. If I'm to fully follow through with what I believe judging to be, I suppose I am judging you for not agreeing with me here. There's a key difference though: You holding any opinion on LGBTQ issues does not affect your personal life in any way, but it does affect mine. I'm going to be me no matter what, but it still hurts when friends show support only on the surface.

-QV

Struggles

*Disclaimer: these are my own personal thoughts and do not reflect the journey of any other queer person. These all came out stream-of-conscious style*

When I first came out, I always said I had the easiest experience anyone has ever had with doing so. This wasn't far from the truth: my family (generally) responded well, my friends (for the most part) responded well, heck, even my girlfriend responded well. That, in combination with my generally confident behavior made for an easy time.

Fast-forward a few years...

Being queer is hard. 

It's hard because people assume that because it's more and more accepted these days, that means it's not hard to be queer. It's hard because people assume what I say about my own experience is the same as anybody else's experience. It's hard because people assume my happy demeanor  means I have no struggles.

It's hard because I say one thing in response to a question one day, and then a month later I realize that's not the best way of answering it, so I try to explain again, but then just sound like I'm constantly changing my mind.

It's hard because I get riled up easily. It's hard because I am passionate. It's hard because I want to be the front running for queer rights. It's hard because that's on my mind a lot, and it's hard because I like to talk about it. It's hard because "Look, I'm okay with you being gay and all, but do you have to talk about it all the time?"

It's hard because every time she mentions her boyfriend, her current lover, her crush, her attractions, her family, herself... Look, I'm okay with you being straight and all, but do you have to talk about it all the time?

It's hard because we're everywhere and it's hard because we're nowhere. It's hard because the invisibility is crushing, so you overcompensate by being as loud and proud as you can. It's hard because it's Pride Month, and you never want the festivities to end.

It's hard because the media represents us in a stereotypical fashion. It's hard when we fit those stereotypes. It's hard when people complain about there being an abnormally high number of LGBTQ high school students in Glee when I know this number is not abnormally high at all. It's hard because I find Will & Grace funny.

It's hard because many of my friends will not be attending my wedding. It's hard because my best friend is uncertain whether she'd come to my wedding. It's hard because my dad will not be at my wedding. It's hard because I'll be hurting at my wedding. It's hard because I may never have a wedding. 

It's hard because I can't just simply go up to the person I'm interested in and flirt with him. It's hard because I'm a flirty person. It's hard because I can't just ask someone straight up about their sexuality. It's hard because I have a lot of love to give.

It's hard because queer men are awful to each other. It's hard because "masculine," "straight-acting," "no fatties," "no queens," "I only like white men." 

It's hard because we protest, we beg, we scream, we deserve our rights. It's hard because we celebrate the first openly gay senator and then find each tiny little flaw in her until she is nothing. It's hard because we're overjoyed a president has the common sense to say we deserve our rights. It's hard because this attitude should be the norm. It's hard because it's not.

-QV

Stuffed acorn squash

I have a huge weakness for winter squash. Even though it is not winter time and squash prices are jacked up, I will often have a moment where I get to the check-out lane, and somehow a squash has magically appeared in my cart. Butternut, acorn, spaghetti... you name it. Winter squash is such a comfort food.

Sundays are the day I often do a lot of cooking. It's the day I make bread. It's the day I always have stir-fry for dinner. It's the day I've made pasta from scratch. For a while when I was student teaching, it was the day I'd make my lunches for the week.

Today, I decided to use an acorn squash I recently purchased and make some sort of stuffed squash recipe. I've made similar ones before, but this one came entirely out of my own mind. It's very easily modifiable for your own taste preferences.


Here's what you'll need:

Tools:

• Paring knife
• Metal spoon
• Small casserole dish
• Stove pot with lid
• Small bowl for holding squash guts (I used a measuring cup here. There is no reason it needs to be a measuring cup)
• Small container for marinating tofu (I started taking pictures after I started marinating the tofu. Oops)
• Frying pan (not pictured)

Ingredients:

• Acorn squash
• Rice (I used white simply because that's what I had. Wild rice for this recipe would be PERFECT)
• Frozen block of firm tofu
• Pineapple chunks
• Craisins (can use raisins or another small tart fruit)
• Soy sauce
• Lemon juice
• Agave (honey works fine too, but agave makes this a fully vegan recipe :D)
• Ginger (fresh or ground, but with fresh, make sure you sautee it first)
• Sesame seeds

Most of these ingredients I have in my cupboards at all times.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350

If you've never worked with tofu before, it's not too hard to use. After you open it, you can refrigerate it for a few days if you submerge it in water (and change the water daily). You can also freeze it. Frozen tofu turns yellow, and this is okay. Defrost it, and it will have the consistency of a sponge. Remove as much of the water as you can by gently squeezing it. 

Make your marinade. I used equal parts soy sauce, agave, and lemon juice, combined with sesame seeds and ginger. This is similar to the sauce used on sesame chicken. Place the thawed tofu in the marinade, turn it over so all sides are coated, and place in the refrigerator.

 Slice the acorn squash vertically in half. It should look like the picture (though hopefully a bit yellower than the crappy lighting in the picture shows!).

With your spoon, scrape out the guts and seeds. Place them in the bowl you grabbed for them, since the seeds can be roasted and enjoyed :) (Alas, a recipe for another day. Find a recipe for roasted pumpkin seeds and use these)

I like to make monster noises as I scrape out the insides.

Place the squash cut-side up in your casserole pan. I only did half the squash today, but you can do both halves (may need to add 10 minutes or so to the cooking time then). Add about half an inch of warm water to the bottom of the pan to allow for more even cooking of the squash. Place it in the oven and take note of the time. It will take about 40 minutes. It's ready to come out when it's fork-tender.

Meanwhile, make rice. A few tips here: use half as much rice as liquid. Pictured is half a cup of rice, and that was more than enough for me. Bring the water to a boil, add the rice, cut the heat to a simmer, and place the lid on top. DO NOT OPEN THE LID AS THE RICE COOKS. It can take anywhere from 16-20 minutes, and you know it's done when it looks like the picture: no water, only drastically-grown rice.

As the rice is cooking, take your tofu out of the refrigerator. Turn again to coat, and dice. Add this (and remaining marinade) to a frying pan. Also throw in the pineapple chunks with their juice. I used about 1/4 of the large can I had. Fry for about 4 minutes.

When the pineapple starts to look a little browned, add the cranberries and fry for a couple more minutes so all is heated through. Feel free to sample throughout :)

Stir the fried mixture in with the rice. Because my timing was slightly off with my squash, I kept the lid on this pan and let it sit for about 10 minutes until my squash finished.

Carefully remove the squash from the oven after 40 minutes (or so). Dry the bottom of the squash and put on a plate. Using your spoon, fill the squash with as much of the rice mixture as you'd like! Mine was overflowing :)





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I received word this morning that a friend of mine (a die-hard sweet potato hater) tried my recipe and LOVED it. Comment on the posts if you end up trying my recipes and how they turned out for you!

-QV